Supreme Reflections: Volume 2
by MarvelMaster616
Summary: A series of short character vignettes that takes place within the pages of X-men Supreme Volume 2: War Powers. It covers Cyclops, Jean Grey, Beast, Angel, and Iceman. See each character reflect on the events of their lives.
1. Scott Summers

**Supreme Reflections  
>Volume 2<strong>

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><p><strong>AN: This story is another collection of short vignettes for certain characters during specific points in Volume 2. If you haven't read Volume 2 already, I suggest you do because I'll be citing some of the events. Many are simple character musings that should fill in some of the blanks left by their respective stories in the first two volumes. Think of these as one-shot specials similar to those that make it onto comic stands once in a while. As such, their contents are in continuity and I'll reference wherever and whenever these scenes take place. Enjoy!<strong>

**Disclaimer: I don't own X-men or any of the characters. They are the property of Marvel and Disney. Please don't sue.**

'_These mean character thoughts or psychic communication.'_

_This indicates a shift to first person._

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**Scott's Reflections (AN: Takes place shortly after issue 35)**

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><p><em>Everyone sees the world through an obscured perspective. There is nobody without bias. We all interpret things through our own skewed senses. Some are more skewed than others. Some are totally rational while others are completely insane. In the end it's all subjective, but that doesn't mean there is no room for truth.<em>

_I've seen the world through a skewed perspective for some time now. I have to look at everything through a certain tint and I'm not talking in metaphors either. I literally see the world in a tinted red hue. All those contrasting colors and fine details are utterly invisible to me. That's because of a burden I must bear every second of every day of my life. It's a burden that will always influence my perspective and it is my responsibility to accept that burden._

It was a rare moment for Scott Summers. For once he wasn't hard at work keeping up with his classes or training in the Danger Room or refining his leadership skills for future missions. Every day of his life was serious and he treated every day as a work day. He rarely took breaks and rarely set aside time to just be alone with his thoughts. Tonight was one of those nights where his thoughts finally caught up with him. It had been happening a lot more lately and it was never easy for him, but he didn't avoid it. He had avoided one too many harsh realizations in his life and wasn't about to avoid any more.

So with no tasks of vital importance before him, he allowed his thoughts to drift. Night had fallen and the moon was full, shining brilliantly over the lake. He sat silently on the bench overlooking the clear waters below, taking in the crispness of the air and the calmness of his surroundings. It allowed him to contemplate that which he so rarely dwelled on.

_My whole life has been a test of discipline. That's the kind of mindset you develop when you spend most of your childhood in an army base. Everywhere you look, you see a ridged hierarchy. You see commanding officers giving orders to their squads and if those squads don't obey those orders, then the unit fails. My dad was kind of like that and so was my mom. They stressed discipline more than most parents. But I'm not talking about the kind of discipline that earns a kid a good beating if he steps out of line. My parents could barley hug me, let alone ever raise a hand to me. I'm talking about the kind of discipline it takes to do the right thing even when it's not easy. Sometimes it requires you to take chances, make mistakes, and humble yourself. But that's the kind of discipline that will make you a better person._

_I always had a lot to live up to in my family. The Summers clan sets the bar pretty high. We come from a long line of soldiers and military men. That's part of why there are so few of us left. My grandfather, Phillip Summers, was the model my dad emulated and he encouraged me to do the same. What made him such a powerful character was his leadership. He was a Colonel in the United States Military who made a name for himself in the early days of the Cold War. There were a lot of war-mongering hawks back then, looking to start World War III for whatever reason. It wasn't because they were cruel or bloodthirsty though. It's because they were scared. My grandfather had the discipline and the courage to never be scared and stand up to the fear that consumed so many._

_Phillip Summers was a man who lead by example. He was disciplined in his own right, standing tall against a long list of powerful forces looking to oppose him in any way. Alone, he probably wouldn't have succeeded. But because he was such a strong leader, he got people to follow him. Some called him stiff and unyielding. Were he alive today everybody in the X-men would say he has the same stick up his ass that I do. He didn't make a lot of friends with his methods, but what he lacked in friends he made up for in respect. He stayed focused and disciplined. He never lost sight of his goals._

_My father would always end up smiling when he talked about him. He said it was rare for my grandfather to show much emotion, but anybody close to him could see that he put more passion into his work than anyone ever gave him credit for. That passion extended to his family. He didn't have to say how much he loved them. That was always clear in everything he did. My father was kind of like that, but to a lesser extent. He never hid the fact that he was a bit more adventurous than my grandfather. In fact, he said I emulated Colonel Phillip Summers more than he ever did. And I was just seven at the time. I had no idea how he could know something like that, but I would eventually find out first hand when life decided to test me in the worst possible way._

Scott stoically looked up at the night sky as a string of cursed memories floated in front of his mind's eye. Even for someone with obscured vision, every minute detail was as clear to him today as it was when it happened all those years ago. He could still smell the burning jet fuel. He could still sense the cold air brushing across his face. But more than anything else, he could still feel the sheer terror and sorrow of that fateful night. It was the night when father's plane crashed and his whole world came crashing down with it.

_The hardest part about discipline is maintaining it when the world around you completely shatters. Few things will do that better than watching your parents die in a plane crash. That was where I needed to channel the strength of my grandfather. At the tender age of eight I had to grow up really fast and discipline would only be part of the struggle._

_That day taught me just how powerless I am in the grand scheme of things. I didn't know why my dad felt the sudden need to go on a trip to New York. It came out of nowhere. He rarely took vacations from his job. My mom was the same. At the time I didn't think much of it and neither did my brother. For us it was just a good excuse to see the big city and get away from school for a while. Now that I look back on it I would have loved to know why my parents wanted to leave so abruptly. I wish I could remember whether or not they were anxious about something. It's hard when you're eight years old and you tend not to think as thoroughly as you should. I guess I'll never know for sure. All I do know is for whatever reason I survived that crash. From there, I would have to rebuild my life._

_The first challenge was just getting out of a coma. It turns out my parachute caught fire on the way down and I came in for a pretty rough landing. I was out of it for a good six weeks. My little brother, Alex, was scarred for life during that whole ordeal. He was younger than I was and he had to endure the sheer terror that he was about to lose his entire family. I wish I could have been there for him. He was really never the same after that. By the time I did wake up, he wasn't the same little brother and I wasn't the same Scott Summers._

The X-leader turned away from the sky and just stared distantly towards the ground. After all these years it hadn't gotten any easier. Tragedy and loss did a lot to a child, but the real impact can only come when that child grows up. It was hard to hide the scars of that tragedy. It still plagued him to this day. Even among the X-men, it affected how he carried himself. Most only caught glimpses of it because he always came off as being so well-adjusted and mature. It certainly wasn't like that in the early days when he was still struggling to put the pieces back together.

_I don't care what Charles Dickens and old Disney movies say. There's nothing charming or glamorous about being an orphan. My experience was nothing like Oliver Twist. For one, the orphanage I went to wasn't the run-down shacks run by bitter old women that always come to mind. It was actually a special group home for children whose parents were soldiers that lost their lives in the line of duty. An old friend of my mothers ran it and by and large it wasn't that bad a place. Alex and I stayed in the equivalent of college dorm rooms. The food wasn't terrible, there weren't any rodents, and we weren't forced to do menial labor or anything. But it's pretty hard to appreciate these amenities when you're young and traumatized by the death if your parents._

_The first two years were kind of a blur. I was so messed my primary focus was pulling myself together and not getting adopted. Every day the head of the orphanage would bring in these child psychologists to try and counsel me and Alex. They were a big help, at least for me anyways. My little brother wasn't so accommodating. He often lashed out and broke down into crying fits when they asked too many questions. I often found myself having to comfort him. In a ways that kind of helped me because it forced me to try harder. I had to be the disciplined brother who pulled himself together when most kids my age were playing Nintendo and watching cartoons. I did everything I could. Then life threw another challenge at me._

_Around the time I was ten, I started getting these pounding headaches. I remember the doctors saying they detected some unusual anomalies in my head while I was in a coma. I would later learn that these were my mutant powers just beginning to manifest. They weren't all that flashy in the beginning, but just when it seemed I was beginning to move beyond the loss of my parents my eyes started flashing red. I knew they were flashing because every time it happened I would see this red haze around everything. Anybody who was near me freaked out, even my little brother. It was like I was a monster or something. That seriously worried the orphanage, who because of their ties to military families had to watch their backs._

_This little period in my life was marked by my first experience with foster families. It's a period I would rather forget because my powers made it next to impossible. Prospective parents tend not to look fondly on kids whose eyes glow like he's a demon child or something. They looked at Alex a lot more fondly. There was even this one family that was rich and ready to give him a new life. That life lasted about a month because he kept lashing out. He didn't want to leave me and he didn't want to start calling someone else his parents. There was no reasoning with him. He was accepting the fact that he was on his own and had to fend for himself. I wasn't ready to give in._

_This experiment with foster families lasted another two years. Then something else happened that could have become yet another mind-numbing challenge to test my spirits. But strangely enough, it turned into an opportunity. It started off bad enough. I was twelve years old and the headaches were getting worse. The glowing in my eyes hadn't gone away either. It got to the point where I couldn't stop them from glowing and one of the doctors gave me these thick sunglasses to cover them. _

_Then it happened. One day Alex got into another fight with the staff psychologist. I ran in to stop him, but this was a particularly nasty episode so the guy calls one of the doctors in and he has a sedative. I see this and I don't like it in the slightest. So I yell out at him, telling him to stay the hell away from my little brother. As I did this, I felt this burst from my eyes that shattered the sunglasses, knocked the doctor back, and blew a whole in the concrete wall that was big enough to drive a car through. It was my first optic blast, but it was a new beginning._

Scott looked up from the ground and rose from the bench. Shoving his hands in his pockets, he walked away from the bench and towards the walkway that overlooked the lake. His expression remained hardened, still showing little emotion. Even memories of the darkest moments in his life could not bring out the sheer breadth of the feelings he felt during those times. This was how he maintained his sense of discipline going all the way back to those difficult days before the X-men. Yet as hard as they were, these were the days that would later make him Cyclops, leader of the X-men.

_That first blast caused quite a spectacle. It nearly shut down the whole orphanage. I was rushed to the hospital with Alex following along only to find out that I was a mutant. At the time mutants were really going mainstream so when word got out a mutant nearly destroyed an orphanage, that caused a media circus. I still remember the doctors trying to fight off reporters and officials from the orphanage trying to safe whatever face they could. For a while I thought Alex and I were going to get kicked out onto the streets. Because who would want to take care of us now? Alex wasn't going to leave my side and no one wanted to handle a twelve-year-old who could blow holes in walls. Our options were pretty limited._

_As it turns out, I never had to give any of those options much thought. The answer to my plight literally found me. This young guy, who was barely in his late teens, snuck into the hospital and found me and Alex. He said he used to live at the same orphanage we did. He lost his father in some failed military experiment and got bumped around foster homes in the area for a while. None of them worked out so he struck out on his own, forming his own little street gang of cast-offs and runaways. I didn't know what they were into at the time, but he offered to help us get away from the doctors, the foster homes, and the media circus that was sure to follow us. I figured it was too good an opportunity to pass up. That cozy orphanage was not an option anymore with that gaping hole in the wall and nobody else was going to lend a hand. So I went with it._

_I still don't know how good a decision that was. Knowing what I know now, I probably would have reconsidered. That's the worst part of hindsight. Everything seems so obvious when you look back on it. I didn't regret it at first. This guy brought us into a group where we weren't cast-offs or freaks. There were some kids my age and others as old as twenty. Everyone was bonded by the same link. They lost the life they once knew and were struggling to get something back. These weren't a pack of deviants or drug dealers. These were kids like me and Alex trying to look out for each other in an unforgiving world._

_They were good to us. Hell, they even got me a new set of sunglasses to hide my constantly glowing eyes. Alex sure got along with them. I think that's largely because they let him vent. He was a fighter and they nurtured that. I'm sorry to say I may have nurtured it as well because I thought it was good for him, being able to let out all those frustrations. It would cause all sorts of consequences that I would pay for later. Every time I think about it I want to kick myself for missing so many chances to make things right._

_But Alex wasn't the only one to find his niche. With this gang, I became my own person as well. It was here where the discipline and leadership my father and grandfather instilled came together. All those hard feelings I struggled with were internalized and I refocused my efforts in a new way. Unlike the orphanage, nothing was provided. We had to fend for ourselves in order to survive. I was a fast learner in this respect. I learned how to strategize, plan, and execute while maintaining my demeanor. I had to make sure I was the last one who would panic and the first one to make the right decision. That's what discipline is all about and that earned a lot of respect within the gang._

_As the years went by I became the de-facto leader. The other kids followed me whenever we went out looking for food and shelter. Sometimes it involved petty crime. We had to break in, steal, and fight. But I always made sure we never crossed a certain line. We couldn't be thugs or bullies or anything like that. I always told the others that the moment you start getting greedy, you set yourself up for disaster. They took that to heart and we steered clear of some pretty nasty temptations along the way. We could have easily gotten into drugs, fraud, and violence. But we didn't. It was more important to stick together than it was to risk ending up in jail._

_By the time I was fifteen I was carrying myself like a soldier. I had a focused mind, a strong spirit, and a newfound strength. I wish I could stay the same for my brother. By that time he was showing signs of his own mutant powers, except he wasn't using them with the same reservation. It was up to me to keep him in check. I did that for everyone in the gang. That was my sole focus. I still had no idea what I was going to do with my life. My whole mindset was the present and finding a way to survive. It would take another horrible tragedy to make me contemplate the future again._

Pulling his hands out of his pockets, Scott clenched his fists in a mix of anger and sorrow. While the tragedy of his parents' death hung strongest in his mind, it wasn't the only one that left such a profound impact on his psyche. One of the hardest aspects of being on the street was that it was hard to get out. Being so focused, he never even contemplated leaving it behind. That was before his world became forever shrouded.

_The gang was looking to stock up on some food and hardware for a winter storm that was coming. We found this grocery truck broken down in a parking lot. The trucker was obviously a little tipsy and backed it right into another parked big rig. It caused all sorts of confusion, which for us was like the perfect storm of opportunity._

_It started with a distraction. I had Alex and some of the others stumble onto the scene and pick a fight with one of the supervisors on the scene. I don't know exactly what he said, but Alex always had a talent for rubbing people the wrong way so within minutes we were clear to make our move. I lead another group towards the back of the truck where we started unloading as many boxes as we could carry. It all went smoothly for the most part. Then the trucker that started this mess decided to throw us a wildcard._

_It was too stupid to ever take into account. The man dropped his whiskey bottle during the scuffle with the others and like any good alcoholic he went after it. In doing so he saw me and the others unloading the truck. This little fluke blew the whole operation open._

"_You little punks! Get away from my truck!"_

_These words would end up haunting me for years to come. That's because they would end up being the last words this drunken trucker ever said. The man rushed back towards the front seat of his truck and pulled out a 12-gauge shotgun from under the seat. While this was going on, Alex and the others broke away from the trucker's buddies and made a break for it. Once I saw the gun I knew I had to cover them so I ran up to distract the guy so I could buy the others time. But one of the younger kids who Alex was with tripped and ended up falling flat on his face. He was an easy target and the first one the drunken trucker took aim at._

_This would be the last time I saw the world in color. I was so determined to save that kid, my powers overcompensated. I yelled out at him. I don't even remember what I said. I just remember the sunglasses I had on shatter into a million pieces as I shot out a concentrated optic blast right at the guy. It hid him point blank, sending him flying back. I don't know if it was the sheer impact or the awkward landing that caused his neck to snap like a twig, but the man was dead. Before he even hit the ground, he was a goner._

The X-leader exhaled deeply as a wave of guilt washed over him. His stoic demeanor tensed and all those internal emotions that he kept so hidden raged within. It was an inescapable facet of his past. He took a life. He killed a man. It was enough to thrust even the most disciplined mind into a world of doubt. It seemed that was part of an unending cycle. A traumatic event forced him to re-evaluate his life. It was a cycle that could not go on if he was to rise above the sorrow.

_It was like being in a deep sleep only to be awoken by an earthquake. A man died because of me…because of who and what I was. All that discipline and leadership faltered. I completely froze in place, losing any sense of focus or understanding. I don't even remember Alex coming after me. He pretty much took charge from there and got me and the kid to safety. But that was just the beginning._

_I never learned anything about that truck driver. For all I know he had a wife and family that still mourn him to this day. Everybody in the gang tried to console me. They said he was a jerk and couldn't have had many friends if he was drinking on the job. They even justified it as being self-defense. That guy was going to kill one of our own. I had to stop him. That doesn't mean killing him was justified. It didn't matter what they said. I couldn't forget about this. I couldn't avoid the responsibility I now bore for this loss of life._

_From that day forward, I always covered my eyes. I never again saw the world in color. It wasn't just a personal punishment. It was the end result of my powers. That blast that took a life caused my powers to be stuck. The on switch was flipped and it couldn't be flipped back. It seemed like a fitting punishment. I take a life and I lose my sight. I'm not sure if there's anything poetic about it. Mr. McCoy could probably make a whole Shakespearian monologue about it. The rest of the gang thought I was losing it. I thought I was losing it as well. I no longer wanted this life. I no longer wanted to think in the present. I wanted to dedicate some energy to the future._

_This whole mess made me an outcast in my own group. My little brother basically picked up the reigns from there. He would have to because a day after the incident, I stumbled away from the gang. I had these new super-thick glasses that could give way at any moment so I decided the only thing to do was tape my eyes shut with a blindfold. I could have walked out into an oncoming car or just tripped over myself for hours on end. I still don't know how I made it as far as I did. It was a good thing I did though because at the end of that dark path, I met a man named Professor Charles Xavier._

The guilt and sorrow eased somewhat. In a daze Scott reached for the ruby quartz glasses that now constantly dominated his face. It was amazing to think how he could have lived every night after that as a blind kid. He could have lost his vision completely, but instead it was only shrouded. Because of this, he would have a second chance to do something with his life…something that would build towards a future rather than be chained by the past and the present.

_When I first heard his voice, I swear I thought it was the voice of God. He was so wise and understanding. It was the first time I met someone other than my brother who could relate to what I was going through, but unlike my brother he wasn't so brash and thick-headed when it came making important decisions._

_Professor Xavier offered me more than a choice. He offered me a way out. He said he was starting this school for mutants. He didn't even have any students yet, just another teacher named Hank McCoy. I could be his first. He told me he heard about the incident from the orphanage years ago. He also said he had a machine that detected me when I used my powers to kill that man. At first I thought he was leading me on. Then he talked about how that same machine allowed him to analyze my powers. From that analysis, he discovered that my optic beams could be completely contained by a substance called ruby-quartz. From this, he made these special glasses and offered them to me as proof. I admit I was pretty skeptical at first. Part of being disciplined meant not blindly accepting everything someone says just because it seems nice. But my instincts told me that this man deserved a chance. I'm glad I gave it to him because when I first put on those glasses and opened my eyes, I knew it was a new beginning._

_I accepted Professor Xavier's offer to join the Xavier Institute. I wanted Alex to come with me. But Alex being Alex, he made it very difficult. He was still loyal to the gang. He wasn't ready to leave. He was still living in the present, not giving any thought to the future. I tried playing the family card. I tried playing every card I could play. It didn't matter in the end. Alex and I erupted in an all out fight. It was the first time he shot me with his energy powers. I was lucky that our bodies somehow repel each other's blasts, but beyond the fight it sent a clear message. Alex and I weren't on the same path anymore. He wasn't going to let me shelter him anymore. It was the hardest decision I ever made. I did everything I could for my little brother. Now I had to leave him behind._

Scott's demeanor sank again. Every time he thought back to that fateful decision to join the X-men, the angry reaction of his little brother stood out. He once dedicated every moment of his life to protecting him since the plane crash that killed their parents left much deeper scars on his psyche. He kept trying to protect him, but on that day Alex shook off his protection. There was nothing he could have said or done to change it. He had grown by then and was a fighter in his own right. Alex chose to go one way with his life while Scott embarked on a new journey.

_Sometimes I wonder if I did the right thing. I don't know if there was anything else I could have done or said with Alex to at least leave the proverbial door open. If there was I sure lost my chance. I carried it as a chip on my shoulder as I joined Charles Xavier and the X-men. To this day I still never remove my protective eyewear, even when I'm presented with a chance to see clearly again. I needed to carry that burden. It's a burden that would be instrumental in the new path before me._

_I took to the Xavier Institute with a passion and dedication that impressed even Charles Xavier. I didn't allow myself to be wowed by the mansion or the fancy equipment. I hit the books immediately, going to all my classes and doing all my training. I had a lot of catching up to do so I worked hard, much more so than a normal 15-year-old would care to. It also helped that I made some new friends during that time. Shortly after I joined, a beautiful and shy redhead named Jean Grey joined. In addition there was this kid with wings named Warren Worthington III that made frequent visits. They were the first friends besides the gang I ever had. Since this was the early days we all kind of leaned on each other. I get the sense they leaned on me the most because I was so disciplined._

_I was on the front lines for those early developmental stages of the X-men. I would always volunteer first and work the hardest as Professor Xavier worked out the plans for his institute. I was the first one to test out the Danger Room. I was the first one to put on an X-man uniform. I was the first one to lead a mission. Jean later told me I came off as a veteran superhero, but in reality I was just as anxious as everyone else. I just didn't let it show. I didn't let a lot of emotions show. I sort of couldn't during those early days._

_My whole focus back then was making something of my life. I wanted to turn my powers from a burden to a blessing that cold benefit the world. Professor Xavier gave me all the tools I needed. He hired men like John Proudstar to train the X-men to fight as a unit while conditioning us to handle an increasingly hostile world. From that training, we began our mask-wearing crime fighting period. The first incarnation of the X-men was basically these mysterious vigilantes who went out into cities across the world fighting crime and using our powers to protect people. Nobody knew we were from the Xavier Institute. Our identities were kept secret and as far as the rest of the world knew, the Xavier Institute was just some fancy private school. _

_It was the first really positive press mutants ever got. Until then, it was this growing menace that was increasingly difficult to contain. I actually feel kind of proud that I was part of that initial push to show that mutation could offer something positive to the world. Seeing the looks on peoples faces after we saved them and hearing the cheers of people when they saw us in uniform, I felt as though I was really making a difference. I knew without a doubt that this was my calling. This was what I wanted to do with my life._

_The X-men became my central focus. Every second of every day was dedicated to being a better X-man. Needless to say, that gave me a reputation for being a stiff. I believe the first stick-up-the-ass joke I heard was from Warren when I was sixteen. I've long since lost count on how many have followed. It was all part of the whole discipline aspect of my life. I had to stay focused and strong. A side-effect of that was that I came off as being cold and callous. It was a mindset that would end up having a huge impact on my personal life._

The X-leader sighed again. This time it wasn't out of sorrow or anger. This time it stemmed more from exasperation. He spent so many years just trying to hold himself together. Losing his parents and surviving on the streets took every ounce of his resolve. Because of this, he never spent much time developing a sense of emotional maturity. He kept everything internalized and that would affect many relationships throughout his life.

_It spent much of those early years in an emotional shell. The only ones I really opened up to were Professor Xavier and Jean. But even with them, I would be that proverbial stiff that everyone loved to crack jokes about. I never let it get to me because staying disciplined was more important than being cool or fun. Yet that shell couldn't hold up forever. A select few managed to pull me kicking and screaming into the world of mature emotional interaction._

_It was a slow process that spanned two full fledged relationships, complete with love, sex, and enough drama to fill any daytime soap opera. It was an awkward feeling at first, opening my heart to another person after losing my family. Up to that point love to me was a memory…a feeling I lost years ago. There was also the whole notion of having a life outside of work. I dedicated so much time to being an X-man and a leader that I stopped taking the time to be a normal teenager. Even Professor Xavier was worried that I was losing touch with what it meant to have a semi- normal life. In addition, losing my family left a big hole in my heart that needed to be filled._

_Needless to say, filling that void wasn't easy. But I admit I did learn to have fun again in the process. Dating girls like Rogue reminded me that being disciplined doesn't necessarily mean I should cut myself off. It's important to be adventurous. It's important to reach out to people and connect with them on a unique level. It helps remind me of my humanity, which is something Professor Xavier has always stressed. It's one thing to be humbled by tragedy and loss. What keeps us from walking the same path of men like Magneto is holding onto that capacity to love. If you don't put any passion or heart into what you're doing, then you might as well be a mindless drone. I didn't want that and I worked hard to be just plain Scott Summers in addition to being Cyclops._

_But time and again I found out that opening up to someone was more difficult than a thousand world-threatening missions. In pretty much every relationship I've had, romantic and platonic alike, the same problem always caught up to me. I never opened up as much as others wanted me too. This made it especially hard on the girls I dated. They never asked a whole lot of me, but what little they did was still too much for me to give them. It's not that I couldn't love someone. I just couldn't love them unconditionally in the way that makes a strong relationship even stronger._

_I never did take that extra step. Every time I got to a certain point in a relationship, I would hit a wall. There were plenty of other conflicts that came into play, but the one that always stood out most was that inability to truly connect with someone. Even with friends, it was tough. _

_There is, of course, an exception to this rule. It's an exception that only surfaced recently, but it's been building for years and it's taken me on another new path in life…one that has led me to a happiness beyond anything I imagined._

Back towards the mansion, a figure emerged and approached the X-leader from behind. A familiar if not heavenly voice rang out, jolting Scott Summers from his conflicted daze.

"Hey there, handsome!" greeted Jean Grey, "Hope I didn't keep you waiting too long."

Scott smiled warmly as he turned to see the beautiful redhead approaching him with a bottle of wine and two glasses in hand.

"For you…it's always worth it," he told her.

"Aww, did you spend all this time coming up with that line while I fumbled with the institute's limited wine selection?"

"Would you think less of me if that's the best I could come up with?"

"Of course not," she assured with a loving gesture, "I can always take comfort in the knowledge that what you can't articulate with words you make up for with more subtle means of affection."

It was the kind of tender comfort that only Jean Grey could muster. With these playful words in mind, Scott didn't bother putting anything else into words. He could tell just from Jean's grin that she understood all those tricky emotions he couldn't get out. In many ways it was a perfect summary of the long and complicated course they took towards falling in love and coming together.

_I can safely say now that the void I had in my heart has been filled. The pain and hardship that has plagued me for most of my life has been mended by the love of Jean Grey. She has always been a big part of my life. She's my best friend. She's the first one I really connected with after I joined the Xavier Institute. Now she's my girlfriend and the love of my life. I'm not afraid to admit it either. I love this girl with all my heart and she makes me feel complete in every way._

_It was quite an arduous process, the way we fell in love. It certainly wasn't love at first sight or anything that sappy. In fact, we kind of bugged each other early on. But we became best friends pretty quickly. It may have been a lack of options because we were among the first students. Whatever the reason, we got along really well and did so for years without any romantic feelings creeping in. _

_Sure, there were a few occasions when teenage hormones started flying. Jean really grew into a beautiful body after showing up thin as a rail and pale as a ghost. She definitely drew her share of looks and I certainly can't blame guys like John Proudstar and Logan for acting on them. But we stayed friends in each others' eyes. We did grow closer over the years as we worked together and grew together into the X-men we are now. Perhaps it was inevitable that we would start to have romantic feelings, but that wouldn't be enough. It took something big to shape these feelings into what they are now. It didn't happen all at once, but a lot of it transpired over the course of a single mission._

_It's kind of funny now that I look back on it. That mission to the Savage Land went wrong in too many ways to count. Not only did we get stranded on that Jurassic death trap, but we were completely outsmarted by Trevor Fitzroy. He captured and contained Professor X and the entire team. Only Jean and I got away and for two weeks, we had to survive the worst this unforgiving environment had to over. It felt like a lifetime, having to spend every waking moment fighting for survival. But in the process something amazing happened…something that goes beyond just feeling a basic attraction to someone._

_During the whole ordeal, Jean and I had to rely on one another in so many ways. On our own, there was no way we would have survived. We had to lean on each other for physical, mental, and emotional support. We couldn't just be best friends. We couldn't just be teammates either. We had to trust each other so implicitly that there was no room for shutting each other out. I had to open up to her in a way I hadn't done with anybody before. I made myself so vulnerable and so did she. It's only in that vulnerability that people can be who they truly are. There's no subtlety, deception, or public charade. There is only this raw sense of honesty. When I saw Jean Grey in that sort of light, it was official. I fell in love with her._

_We became something special during that mission. I remember this one night when we were trying to get some rest, we just started talking to each other. We started spilling secrets that we never told anyone else, not even Professor Xavier. I told Jean about this time when Alex and I spent a week in a potential foster home. This guy looked nice enough, but when he saw my glowing eyes he was so disgusted he beat me. I never told anybody about it, not even Alex. Jean told me some of her secrets too, many of which come from those dark days she spent locked up in a mental ward. She said there was this orderly who would fondle her in a sexual way when she was drugged. For a while she was afraid he would rape her so she lashed out with her telepathy and gave him a seizure. The hospital wrote it off as just some random incident. She never told a soul._

_All this came out as we were fighting tooth and nail to survive the worst the Savage Land could throw at us. It bonded us in a powerful way. It still bonds us to this day. I don't think we understood it at first. It was kind of hard to wrap my head around, falling in love with this girl I once saw as my best friend. Everybody else just thought we were being dense, but it was a lot more complicated than that. We really didn't understand the depths of these feelings. It took another set of failed relationships to make us realize it. But if I had to do it all over again, I wouldn't hesitate for a second. All those trivialities and complications only served to make our love stronger. Now here we are, friends and lovers on the cusp of a blossoming relationship._

Scott slipped his arm around Jean's waist and sat back down on the bench with her. Once seated Jean showed off her telekinetic talents, levitating the wine bottle in mid-air and pulling out the cork. With a glass in each hand, she directed the floating bottle towards her and poured them both a decent helping of wine. Once the glasses were half-full, she re-corked the bottle and telekinetically set it aside.

"It's not the fanciest brand of wine to share on a romantic night. You can't always get the most appropriate refreshments for an impromptu outing like this," said Jean as she handed Scott a glass.

"As long as it's with you, it could be club soda for all I care," said Scott.

"Spoken like a true connoisseur, Mr. Summers," she laughed, "So what should we drink to?"

"I don't know," he said, swirling the glass as he gave it some thought. "How about…to us?"

"To us…not very original, but workable," shrugged Jean.

"If you want to add something, feel free."

"Okay then…how about to us and everything we've overcome to get this far."

"Hmm…I like that. It seems so fitting," said the X-leader, "Almost as if you were reading my mind."

"Just because I can doesn't mean I have to," she retorted wryly, "It helps sometimes to know someone just as strongly as you love them."

The two lovers shared more affectionate gestures as they tapped their glasses and took a few sips. A comfortable silence soon fell over them. Jean curled up next to Scott, resting her head on his shoulder while they both gazed over the lake. The moon was hovering just above the horizon so it made for a very picturesque setting to this tender moment.

"This was a great idea, Jean," said Scott with an approving smile.

"Indeed," said Jean with a soft purr, "I'm surprised I was able to wrestle you away from your homework to come out like this."

"I needed it. We both did. I'm glad you talked me into this. I hope you can keep talking me into it now that we're together because it's good for me. It's good for _us_."

"Glad you think so. I believe it's a good sign in a relationship when two people can persuade one another to step out of their comfort zone.

"If that's not a universal rule it should be and I'm not just saying that to be coy with you."

"Oh? Guess that means I should forget about this little reward I was prepared to give you," said Jean playfully.

"I'm serious, Jean. I'm being totally honest when I say I want our relationship to be different. We've both been on the wrong side of romantic dramas and I want to avoid those issues now that we're together. That means we should share moments like this. We should pull ourselves aside, take some time out of our hectic lives as X-men, and enjoy what we have. Because even though we haven't been together for very long, my love for you is a vital part of my complicated life."

"Oh Scott…I take back what I just said. The reward still stands."

With tender affection, Jean pulled Scott into a deeper embrace and captured his lips in a tender kiss. Under the calm night sky with the moon shining over them, it was a simple yet fitting gesture for a moment like this. There was nothing fancy or complicated about it. They were just two people in love enjoying a relationship that had been a long time coming.

_It's amazing how things work themselves out. One of the biggest lessons my father ever taught me about being disciplined is that so long as you never lose focus and always stay true to yourself, then good things will eventually follow. It may not be apparent sometimes. In fact, there may be some occasions where you feel like you have the worst luck in the world. But so long as you stick to the fight, stand strong, and never cross those important lines then life will find a way._

_I've gone from an orphan to a street punk to a dangerous mutant to an X-man. Through every phase and every tragedy, I never faltered. I never lost focus. Now I have a cause that I'm passionate about, a life that I can be proud of, and a woman I love with all my heart. If the measure of a man is what he's able to overcome in addition to what he's been able to accomplish, then I like to think I measure up pretty well._

_There's still so much I've yet to accomplish. I don't know what kind of challenges I'll face or what tragedies I'll endure to get there. All I know is that with Jean Grey in my arms and the X-men by my side, my resolve has never been stronger._

* * *

><p><strong>Up next: Jean Grey<br>**


	2. Jean Grey

**Supreme Reflections  
>Jean Grey<strong>

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><p><strong>Jean's Reflections (AN: Takes place after issue 34)<strong>

_Everyone loves to make jokes about love. Who can blame them? Love is sappy and uncool, a product of chick flicks and Hallmark greeting cards. For whatever reason, the ability to love is seen as sign of weakness. You can't be tough, macho, and cool if you actually love someone. And if you can't be those things, then how can you be a decent hero?_

_I don't worry it because the whole premise is stupid. Love is nothing to joke about. It's nothing to scoff at. It doesn't make anybody weak and does plenty to make us strong. Perhaps I'm bias because I've always been an emotional person. It's not enough for me to just feel these things. I have to be genuinely passionate about it. That passion is what drives me. It's part of who I am. It's part of what makes me strong. Love and passion are almost like another mutant power for me. The way I feel for others and for myself is a trait that has always guided me, now more so than ever. For everything I've been through, I feel I've completed my own special journey of passion and have so much to show for it._

A smile of pure contentment dominated the face of Jean Grey as she lay comfortably under the sheets of her bed. She had plenty of reason to be happy. Lying right beside her was her new boyfriend, Scott Summers. They were both naked, having shared a night of powerful passion that left them tired, sweaty, and swimming in bliss. Scott had long since passed out and was in a deep sleep. Jean, always one to enjoy the afterglow, stayed awake to admire everything that was going on in her life.

Lying on her side and smiling at Scott's sleeping form, she avoided the usual remarks about men being so tired after sex. It would have been inappropriate to put this in the context of a casual romp. For her, sex and lovemaking took on a whole new meaning with Scott. That was saying a lot for someone who defined herself by her passion. While her lover slept, Jean bathed in his warmth and let his soothing presence consume her.

_I still can't believe it. If someone went back in time five years ago and told me I would one day be lying naked in a bed with the love of my life, I probably would have checked myself back into the insane asylum. It was an outrageous notion that someone like me, Jean Grey, could have something like this. I come from a long line of degenerates who have plenty of passion, but for all the wrong things._

_It seems like only yesterday I was just a scared little girl who was too emotional for her own good. It's not like I was conditioned or anything. That's just how I was. Most kids at age five don't even know what the word empathy means. I was literally living it every day. It was hard not to sometimes because emotions always ran high in my family._

_In a ways I was one of the luckier Greys. I wasn't born into an environment of deviance and self-destruction. My parents were among the first to make a conscious effort at being decent human beings. My dad came from a family of drunks and screw-ups. He tried to rise above it, going to school and becoming a teacher. My mother's side was even worse. It wasn't enough to just screw up at life. They had a tradition of crime going for them as well. My mom never hid that she had some black marks on her police record, but compared to the rest of her family she was a saint. She and my dad had the right mindset when they got their act together and got married. They also had something else going for them…luck._

_It's sort of that unspoken requirement for success that nobody likes to talk about. Having desire, dedication, and a strong work-ethic is not enough to make it in this world. It also takes a certain level of blind luck. My parents had much more of it than the rest of their respective families. My dad had the uncanny fortune of walking into the wrong counselor's office when he was in high school. He went in with the intention of dropping out like so many of his relatives had, but the counselor happened to be someone who gave a damn. Not only did he talk him out of it, he helped him get his act together. Add on top of that winning a scholarship that he admits he shouldn't have won and you've got someone who drew all the right cards._

_My mom was just as lucky. She was well on her way to joining her mother in the art of being a career con-artist. That plan fell through when she had the luck of a con literally blowing up in her face when she was a teenager. A guy she was trying to con was stupid enough to put out a cigar by throwing it across the room. He ended up setting his house on fire and getting himself killed in the process. My mother got out and was shaken by the whole ordeal. Then the guy's sister comes into the picture and finds out what my mom was up to. She could have turned her into the cops easy, but instead she took pity on her because her brother was such a degenerate to begin with. Add to that her own mother being busted before she could catch up with he and you've got a perfect set of circumstances for her and my dad to meet._

_While luck may be nice and all, it does have a downside. Relying too much on luck makes the world around you much more fragile. It can also seriously affect someone's mindset. They can become arrogant, pretensions, and even weak to a degree. My parents got a lot of breaks and to their credit they tried to make the most of them. By the time my sister and I were born, they had a decent house and were making a respectable living. But even during those better days, I could sense just how fragile it was._

Jean shifted around on the bed, rolling onto her back and looking up at the ceiling in a daze. Even when she was in such a wonderful state of being, it was hard for her thoughts not to wander. Unlike her family, she did not take the many breaks she had in life for granted. She didn't dare tempt fate in such a way. She had seen first hand the dangers of that kind of attitude. It affected her and her family in so many ways.

_It was almost like a pre-cursor to my telepathic powers. My older sister, Sara, didn't really pick up on it. My parents didn't pick up on it either. There was always this tension within the family, as if the slightest nudge in the wrong direction could destroy everything my parents had gained. It showed up in the smallest of ways only I seemed to notice. _

_Like every time the phone would ring, everyone would tense. It's almost as if they were expecting it to be a call from God himself saying that he was through giving the Grey family any breaks. It showed up in bigger ways as well like when my parents would get into these random fights. They were never violent or anything, but they were pretty frequent. On the surface there was the typical anger and frustration you would expect between two normal adults, but I saw something more under the surface. I saw fear…a raw, paralyzing fear that they both shared without ever expressing. They were afraid of things getting difficult. They were afraid of falling back into old habits. _

_It made me afraid too. I was just a little girl who was reading all these emotions I barely understood and couldn't handle. And all this was without having to hear their thoughts mind you. I often needed Sara's help holding it together. She was always a lot stronger than me. She had the luxury of being able to internalize her emotions and deal with them. I never developed that talent. I wish I had because all that fear eventually did catch up to us. My parents and I had to learn the hard way that being so deeply afraid was like a self-fulfilling prophecy. It puts you in the wrong mindset. It makes you careless, irrational, and frail. That's a bad combination when your luck finally runs out and you have to deal with real challenges in the form of tragedy._

Tears formed in Jean's eyes as she gazed distantly into the space above her. It seemed so long ago yet it still felt so fresh in her mind…the tragedy that changed her life forever. Just as Scott's life had been upended by a single event, her world was shaken to a point where it never truly recovered. In one fateful moment her family's luck ran out. In a single moment her spirit would be tested in the harshest of ways. Only it wasn't just her own well-being that would affect the grim events that would unfold.

_One little mistake was all it took. Fate didn't have to do much to shake my family to the core. It only required a steady rain, a car with me and Sara in the back seat, and two parents who were arguing more than they should have been. I remember being pretty overwhelmed. I was seeing a lot of conflict between my parents. They were arguing about an incident with my mom's sister, who got into a fresh round of trouble. I don't remember exactly what they were debated. I just know it was heated and they both looked as though they wanted to curl up in a fetal position. I tried to hold it together. Sara held my hand, telling me it would pass once we got home. That never happened._

_In an instant it felt like the Earth itself had turned on us. It felt as though a giant hand reached up, grabbed the car, and shoved it into a perilous skid. I remember my mom and sister screaming. I remember seeing my dad's eyes widen with terror. At that point I closed my eyes, hoping it was all just a bad dream. But the nightmare was just beginning._

_The car did at least three full flips. It landed upside down, causing the interior to crumble like a tin can. It all happened so fast I didn't have time to scream. I probably couldn't have if I tried. I was feeling all these terrible emotions, not just from myself but from my family as well. Professor Xavier later said that this trauma resulted in the first manifestation of my telepathy. I sincerely wish it hadn't because the first thing I sensed was my dead sister._

A cold shiver ran down Jean's spine. She had to wipe away some of the tears forming in her eyes. Even after all these years these memories caused her so much pain. She didn't just recall the sights and sounds of that terrible moment. She recalled the feelings as well and in many ways they were far worse.

_When I opened my eyes the first thing I saw was Sara looking at me with vacant eyes. She had been crushed so fast it she died almost instantly. Even if she hadn't, her injuries were pretty gruesome. I'll never get that image of blood, bone, and skin being warped beyond all recognition._

_The sight of my dead sister was bad enough. When I called out for my parents, I found out they were in bad shape too. They were both alive, but out cold. My father's head was slammed against the side door and his right arm was broken in three places. My mother was even worse. Her side of the car was a twisted jungle of metal and class. They crushed her arm, her leg, three ribs, and a few bones in her back. I was the only one left conscious and to this day I wish I wasn't. Because in that moment, I was completely overwhelmed. All these emotions came over me. I felt sorrow, fear, despair, grief…pretty much every terrible feeling you would expect of a tragedy. Every aspect of that incident was etched onto my soul. To this day the horrors of that night are still with me. But that were just the beginning of a classic Grey family downward spiral._

_Everything soon became a blur. I don't even remember the paramedics arriving or the trip to the hospital. I just remember crying and sobbing to myself, trying to take control again. Usually Sara was the one who helped calm me down. Now she was gone and I would have to cope with this on my own. The doctors later said she never stood a chance. Her neck had been crushed and if that didn't kill her than the blood loss sure did. As hard as it was for me to wrap my head around at the tender age of eight, my mom and dad struggled in their own right and not very well I might add._

_My father was somewhat lucky if you can call it that. He only suffered a concussion and a broken arm. He was going to make a full recovery physically. Then when the doctors told him about Sara, it became clear that he would never fully recover. I was in the room with him. I saw his reaction. He didn't break down crying or lash out. His face just became this beacon of sorrow. I honestly don't think he knew how to react. I think he tried to convince himself that this wasn't happening. As if that news hadn't been hard enough, he was hit with another shocker about my mom._

_Unlike Sara, she survived. Unlike me and my father, she would not make a full recovery. In addition to the broken bones and bruising, the crash did serious damage to her lower back. It left her paralyzed from the chest down. She was never going to walk again. Not only that, there were a few blood clots during surgery. That meant she was going to be in chronic pain as well. I remember when I first saw her I practically froze. My father had to turn away. I think he would have thrown up if he could. When my mom eventually came too, she looked totally defeated. It was as if somebody reached inside and ripped her soul right out of her._

_Our lives were never going to be the same. My parents' worst fears had come to life. Their fragile world had been shattered. Now they were going to have to be strong and adapt to these grim circumstances. All was not lost. We had the opportunities and the means to move forward without giving into despair. I didn't want to give into this sorrow. I didn't want this to be the end. Unfortunately, my parents didn't feel the same way._

Jean's tears gave way to a more hardened demeanor. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, taking the pain of this grim memory and accepting it for all its horrors. She could never forget the pain and suffering it caused her, but Jean refused to let it doom her to a life of despair. She learned to rise above it. She was the only one in her family who did and that proved to be an ominous sign of the new life that unfolded.

_By the time we buried Sara, it was official. My parents were not equipped to deal with this. As soon as my mom was discharged from the hospital, she had to adapt to life in a wheelchair. She didn't adapt very well though. She constantly lashed out at me and my father, angry that she had to rely on others to do the most basic of activities. Her only solace were her pain pills. Boy did she love those pain pills. Pretty soon she was downing them like they were candy. That seemed to be the only way she could cope._

_My dad's coping skills were just as bad. I watched as he put what had to be the most piss poor effort into helping his family that anyone has ever done in the history of mankind. He seemed so lost if not paralyzed at times. Whenever my mother complained or talked to him, he would get overwhelmed and shut down. I tried to talk to reach out to him. He was my father after all. But he never responded. He coped solely through bottle after bottle of hard liquor. He had always been somewhat of a drinker, but now he was walking the road to full fledged alcoholism. From the moment he got up to the moment he came home from work, he had a bottle of booze close by. He wouldn't talk about it. He wouldn't let anybody in. He would avoid confronting hardship of any kind. He was content to just drink his problems away._

_This left me in quite a position. Sara was gone and my parents had lost all hope. I was watching first hand as my family fell apart. It's the kind of display that leaves a hell of a mark on a child. In a way it was the only decent help my parents ever offered. They provided me with extra motivation to not end up like them. They may be okay with quitting, but I wasn't. That meant I had to pull myself together and stand on my own two feet. I couldn't be that emotional girl who got overwhelmed at the drop of a hat. I had to be strong in my own right and I had to do it without my parents._

_The next few years were a real test of character. I had to wake up every morning and work hard so I could rise above my parents' shortcomings. That meant spending as little time at home as I could get away with. School became my only escape, which sounds pathetic in some ways and fitting in others. I used that environment as a proving ground, learning how to cope with all these feelings I had always struggled with. I didn't stop being passionate. I just learned to focus and channel it. I became stronger in the process. I didn't make many friends, but I did endear myself to others and that was really powerful. My talent for empathy went a long way with people. It helped me connect with others in a way I wasn't getting at home._

_For a while it looked as though I was well on my way. Things were getting worse with my parents, but they weren't taking me down with them. I was really encouraged for a while. Then a new challenge emerged that I was completely unprepared for. It wasn't as horrific as a car crash, but it had an impact that was every bit as difficult._

With her eyes still closed, Jean continued to breathe deep. Everything was so quiet and peaceful. Lying here with Scott, there was a warm silence both around the room and within her mind. Being a powerful telepath, that kind of silence was the equivalent of three Christmas mornings. It was as rare as it was special. Every telepath had to condition their mind to condition their mind to deal with the bombardment of thoughts they encountered each and every day. It was a level of conditioning that she certainly lacked when her powers first manifested.

_Sara used to say my talent for empathy came from reading all the subtleties in someone's demeanor. It was a real talent that I was probably born with and something I should be careful with. It turned out she was right, at least partially. That empathy didn't just come form just reading faces. It came from reading thoughts as well._

_I don't remember ever hearing a thought early on. Mutant powers don't usually manifest like that. But that empathy was a sign of things to come. After the crash, the floodgates in my mind began to crack. I started picking up on a few thoughts here and there. It was never much. I tried to write it off as just a product of being overwhelmed at times. I thought I could handle it. Then the floodgates broke and my mind turned into a proverbial battleground._

_I started getting these weird seizures. Out of nowhere I would be bombarded with this string of thoughts that felt like someone blowing an air horn right into my ears. It got so bad a few times I passed out. When I told the school nurse about the voices she thought it was some lingering post traumatic stress disorder from the car crash. My father could have looked into it further, but alcoholism seemed to be killing too many brain cells. It took six whole months of mental agony before I was sent to a hospital where they finally revealed the truth that I was a mutant. _

_At the time I didn't know what to make of it. This was when treatment for mutants was still developing and nobody had any idea at the time that my telepathy was so strong. My parents were both clueless. They thought counseling was all they could muster, but no counselor is equipped to deal with a confused telepath. To their credit they tried to help me cope. For a while I was semi-functional. I forced myself to be even stronger, doing everything I could to keep my mind in one piece. That wasn't easy when I didn't understand what the hell these powers entailed. Eventually that lack of understanding caught up to me._

_By the time I was twelve the mental strain was so great it triggered another latent talent. It started when I was in school. I would go through my little episodes and small objects around me would start to shake. Pretty soon that shaking turned into an all out assault. I remember some of the teachers thinking I was possessed by a demon or something. If only that were the case because I would argue telekinesis is way more destructive. It got so bad one time I levitated every desk in my classroom and knocked several bookcases. This turned me from a tragic victim to an all out freak. All those friends I had were now afraid and completely turned their backs on me. Even worse, the principal was steamed about the damage I caused and had me expelled._

_That was the worst thing that could have happened. Being expelled meant I had to spend my days at home again. My mother was getting worse by the day. She was taking so many pain killers at this point that she was basically in the same dazed state every hour of every day. My dad's drinking didn't get better either. He had graduated to the harder liquors now and was drunk more often than when he was sober. On top of that his teaching career was going downhill. He was on the verge of getting fired and me being there with my problems was just too much for him._

_I needed my father to stop squandering every chance he had at making things better. I needed him to step up and be strong for me because I couldn't handle these powers on my own. He had every opportunity to make the right decision. He failed at any turn. After just one telekinetic outburst at home, he called the hospital and had me committed to a mental ward._

Jean finally opened her eyes. A touch of anger soon crept into her psyche. It was impossible to avoid this anger whenever she tried to make sense of the world she came from. It was hard not to be angry because the very people who were supposed to love and support her just kept finding ways of making her life more difficult. It wasn't like they didn't have the power. It just required them to work too hard and be too strong.

Because of their shortcomings, she suffered. She suffered in a way that came close to the night of the crash that killed Sara. Only this suffering was drawn out much longer and she nearly lost herself completely in the process.

_That was probably the darkest period in my life. I tried so hard to be strong and rise above the grim circumstances of my family. Now I was in a padded cell surrounded by people with crazy minds projecting all sorts of twisted thoughts. It was the first time I seriously contemplated giving up._

_This place was seriously not equipped to handle a mutant or any distraught 13-year-old girl for that matter. They had to keep me locked up like a prisoner because my telekinesis was so chaotic. Their solution was to keep me drugged constantly, which probably sounded like a good idea on paper. But for me, it was like being strapped to the world's worst amusement park ride every hour of every day. This did help keep my telekinesis at bay, but it did nothing to stop my telepathy. I was still being bombarded by thoughts from people who really were crazy in the classic sense. Their treatment for this was even worse. I had to endure these shock therapy treatments that left my head feeling like mush for days on end. For a while it felt like my mind was going to completely shut down._

_I remember at one point feeling so lost and desperate that I started having these weird visions. They may have been nightmares for all I know, but whatever they were they were pretty terrifying. In them I would cry out desperately for someone to help me. I would reach out with my mind and body, screaming into the heavens for the strength to free myself from this suffering. Then I would hear this voice that claimed to heed my calls. I don't know who or what it was. But it would say it understood me and was coming to help me. Then this strange fire would consume me. That was usually when I would wake up or return to some semblance of sanity. _

_For a while I felt like giving into this vision. It would have been so much easier to just let myself go and allow everything to simply fall apart. But I held on. I refused to give up in the same way my parents had. I fought the temptation to let go after having worked so hard to become strong in my own right. I was able to keep my sanity long enough for a man named Professor Charles Xavier to find me._

_This was the point where I finally broke away from the endless cycle of family dramas. I won't say it was easy, but it wasn't too hard either. I had an opportunity to reclaim my wounded spirit after my parents did so much to neglect it. This opportunity came under some grim circumstances though. _

_Shortly before Professor Xavier found me, I was told that my mother had passed away. Years of prescription drug abuse had finally caught up to her along with her injuries. My dad was once again so devastated he quit his job and went on a two-week bender. I only saw him one more time when he officially signed the papers to grant sole custody to Charles Xavier. I still remember crying at him and yelling at him for being so reckless and selfish. I've pretty much shut him and the rest of my family out of my life. As far as I'm concerned, Charles Xavier is the closest thing to a real father I've ever had and the X-men are the closest thing to real family._

It was a daunting notion sometimes. Family had always been taboo for Jean Grey. She associated family with all the wrong things. It was impossible to escape where she came from. There was nothing she could do to change the fact that she was the daughter of John and Elaine Grey. These people clearly loved her like any parents should, but they were victims of their own fears. When the going got tough, they failed at every opportunity and she paid a very high price for it.

Conversely, she felt more at home with Charles Xavier than she ever did with her parents. It wasn't uncommon for the others to think of the X-men a family, but for her it was much more significant. Here, she didn't just find a place where she could learn to control her powers and use her talents for the greater good. She discovered a whole new world that helped her become stronger than she ever dreamed.

_In one day with Charles Xavier, I learned more about controlling my powers and than I had from years of unpleasant trial-and-error. He was a real miracle worker. He helped me strengthen my mind so I could not only shut out the voices, but focus my efforts so I could put these powers to good use. And thus began my life as an X-man._

_It didn't all happen at once. Coming out of a mental asylum with a dead mother and an alcoholic father is a lot of baggage for a 14-year-old girl to carry. I certainly didn't rise to Marvel Girl status right off the bat. In fact, most of my first year at the institute was spent just pulling myself together. I had to shake off a lot of the dead weight I accumulated from the past. Everything from Sara's death to my parents' inability to parent had to be confronted once and for all. I couldn't keep dwelling on it. I couldn't let it dictate my life. With help from Charles Xavier, I faced my pain and rebuilt what I nearly lost in the asylum._

_Now my life could finally start moving forward. The Professor kept me busy, enrolling me in numerous classes so I could catch up on what I missed during those darker periods of my life. Hank McCoy, who was the only other teacher at the time, went above and beyond to teach me and that first class of X-men. It may not seem that important on the surface, but to me it meant an awful lot. Going to school, learning about the world, and becoming my own person gave my life a sense of normalcy and stability. There's no way I can possibly overstate how valuable that is to me._

_Almost as important as my road back to sanity, there were other little details that helped change my life for the better. In addition to finding a father figure in Charles Xavier, I found a new group of friends to connect with. One in particular that really stood out was a boy named Scott Summers._

A warm smile formed on her face. Breaking from her daze, Jean turned back on her side to face the sleeping Scott Summers. He was still on his back, breathing deeply in a peaceful slumber. Just being close to his warmth was enough to soothe any part of her troubled soul. He was her lover now, but before that he became her best friend and an integral part of her life.

_I arrived at the institute shortly after he did. When I first met him, it was anything but love at first sight. I had just gotten out of an insane asylum and looked like a war refugee with pigtails. I was pretty shy so we really didn't talk much at first. As I gained control over my life and my sanity, I reached out to him and by whatever miracle of fate he reached back._

_It was kind of awkward at first. We were both in the process of rebuilding our lives. He just came from living on the streets and I just came from the loony bin. He was the first person my age that I could fully relate to. We kind of leaned on each other during those early years and that laid the seeds of a special bond between us. Now to be fair I probably did more leaning than him. Scott was so disciplined and focused. I was amazed how he was so on top everything after what he had been through. I tried to emulate that strength. I like to think I did okay for myself, but Scott was there to pick me up whenever I fell. It was from him I drew the desire to be an X-man._

_Now during this whole time, there were no romantic feelings. That seems kind of hard to believe now, but it's true. I really didn't feel anything other than friendship for this man for many of those early years. Scott was a great friend and all, but he often came off as stoic and hardened. Some went so far as to call him callous, but I knew better. I was probably one of the few who could sense the emotions beneath that hard demeanor of his. That may just be because of my telepathic talents and my knack for empathy, but Scott has never been one to wear his emotions on his sleeve. He internalizes them without completely suppressing them. I can feel him on so many levels now, but it wasn't always like that. First, learn about the proclivities of romantic love on my own terms._

_After a few formative years, Professor Xavier took the next step with the X-men. He brought in a dishonorably discharged marine named John Proudstar. He was tasked with turning us from damaged young mutants to full fledged heroes. This meant going through the kind of conditioning most soldiers go through. It was a hell of an experience, especially for someone like me who was never all that athletic. Luckily, puberty had kicked in for me and I hit a growth spurt. I went from a scrawny little teenager to a fully figured woman. I managed to get some of the better genes the Grey clan has to offer and that meant filling out bras and skin-tight pants in a way that drew extra attention. John Proudstar was one of particular interest that I couldn't help but notice._

_It's kind of embarrassing to think about now, but along with that growth spurt came all sorts of hormone-driven feelings. Being a passionate person by nature has a way of tapping some of those primal forces that are hard wired into every naïve youth. I craved intimacy. Not just sexual, but emotional as well. Around this time Scott had gotten involved in his first relationship and that sort of prompted me to make a move. So I did. Shortly after I turned 18, I hooked up with John. I probably made a total fool of myself. He was five years older than me and one of my teachers on top of that. But it didn't take a whole lot of convincing to give it a try. I'm glad he did because I learned a lot from that relationship and not just on the rules of romance._

_It was also during this time that the X-men began our first wave as we call it. This was the period when Professor Xavier had us dress up as masked vigilantes and venture out into the world, fighting crime, saving lives, and showing humanity that mutant powers could be used for the greater good. It was how we implemented the training John gave us and it became the cornerstone from which the X-men were built. _

_Everybody else was pretty enthusiastic about it, but I was a mess. I never imagined using my powers as a superhero and I was by far the clumsiest member of the team. I sort of needed some extra support and that's what John gave me. He helped me embrace my role as an X-man just as everyone else had embraced theirs. Being with him, I made that important transition from being a girl to being a woman. And part of that process involved intimacy…something I've since grown very fond of._

With the utmost care, Jean slipped her hand over Scott's bare chest and cuddled closer to her lover's body. The warm feeling of her naked flesh against his was intoxicating. Having always been keen on connecting with people emotionally, it was only natural that she would be equally good at the physical aspects of connection. From a hug to a kiss to sex to full blown lovemaking she treasured these profound gestures. Some were more exhilarating than others and it definitely showed in how she embraced her lovers.

_I'm not ashamed to admit it. I love sex. I love intimacy. I love embracing that special someone emotionally, spiritually, and physically. But as much as I love it, I don't just throw myself at anyone. There have been only three men in my life that I've embraced like this. Scott is the most complete, but it was with John that I learned the ins and outs of relationships._

_It wasn't without a healthy dose of awkward jitters. I gave myself to John after only our third date. Before that I must have brought it up in every conversation. I sure put him on the spot at times since I know he had been with other women. For a while I was just eager to get it over with, but cooler heads did prevail. When it did happen, I felt like a new woman. It was so amazing to share that kind of closeness with someone. I think that more than anything broke me out of my shell and turned me the fiery personality I am today._

_That fiery passion became sort of a beacon for the X-men. As our vigilante roles grew, our mission became more complex. Mutant affairs were just beginning to explode and our exploits were having a major impact. As mutants became more organized as a group, so too did the anti-mutant forces of the world. Pretty soon the X-men were more than just a bunch of super-powered teens in masks. We were the personification of a cause. We were the side that stood for peace and understanding. That kind of impact really resonated with me and Scott, but others on the team didn't feel the same way. He didn't show it at first, but John was one of them._

_That sort of became a rough point in our relationship. We never really were on the same page with what we wanted the future to entail. My entire life was now driven by the X-men, but John never threw his hat into the ring completely. He came to the institute as a teacher. I don't think he ever expected to be a superhero. That was an issue we never fully confronted. Then came the fateful mission to the Savage Land that changed everything._

Jean's gentle touch found its way up to Scott's face. She rose up a bit, resting her head on his chest and gazing up into the face of the man she now loved with all her heart. It was amazing to contemplate just how close she and Scott had grown over the years. That closeness took a huge step as they began this new relationship together. However, that first step they took down this path was far more eventful if not chaotic.

_It was one of the first of our larger missions as X-men. This was when we started seeking out mutants looking to cause big trouble in grand scheme of human affairs. Trevor Fitzroy, a mutant thug with even more daddy issues than me, thought he could use the Savage Land as a shield from all forms of authority. He wasn't completely wrong in that assumption. That place is a death trap. It makes Jurassic Park look like Disneyland. It didn't help that the X-men were still evolving into this new role as defenders of mutant affairs. I don't think anybody was surprised when we stumbled into a trap._

_Everyone including Professor Xavier was captured by Fitzroy. Only Scott and I got away. I don't know if that could be called a good thing because getting away meant being tossed into the heart of the Savage Land with nothing but the clothes on our back. Whatever mission we had going in became an afterthought. The only focus from here on out was survival. It was a struggle on every level. It tested our bodies, our spirits, and our will. Yet in that struggle, something astonishing happened._

_During our initial training as X-men, John told us stories about soldiers in battle. He said during times of extreme hardship, a team of soldiers would form special bonds. Those bonds went beyond merely being friends, teammates, or even lovers. They united people in a profound way where they would come to trust and rely on one another so deeply it defied description. I thought I understood that in the sense that the X-men had bonded through our struggles as a team. I had no idea it could lead to something so much more with Scott._

_In those two weeks or 10 days or however long it was we were stuck in that jungle, Scott and I struggled and survived together. We had to lean on each other in a way we had never done with another human being. We couldn't be shy or reserved anymore. We had to completely open ourselves up to one another and trust that whatever happened, we would face it together. It was hard, chaotic, and overwhelming at times. Yet through all that hardship, I saw Scott Summers in a whole new light._

_I don't know when it started or even how, but during that time in the Savage Land I started feeling a whole new range of emotions for Scott Summers. We both saw each other without our usual reservations. We saw each other for who we really were. In doing so I saw a man that I couldn't help but fall in love with. I didn't know how strong it was at the time, but it was definitely there. By the time we found Fitzroy and fought our way out, there was no going back. My life and my heart would never be the same._

Her gentle touch continued the constant stream of soothing sensations. Even though Scott was fast asleep, he still seemed to acknowledge her presence with an unconscious shift in his demeanor. Jean continued to indulge in his warmth, closing her eyes and resting her head on his chest. From here, she could hear his heart beating. It was so soothing and peaceful. It was a tumultuous journey to get to this point, but in a ways that made each beat of the heart more meaningful.

_That mission was the beginning of the end for my relationship with John. I think he sensed it before I did. At first I didn't want these new feelings for Scott to hurt what I had with John. I thought whatever this new bond was between me and my best friend, it wasn't a threat to our love. Turned out I was dead wrong._

_I tried to make it work. I sure worked harder than Scott's girlfriend did because they called it quits fairly quickly even after things settled down. I don't know the exact details behind it, but I'm pretty sure I was part of the reason why it happened. Just as sure as I am that Scott was part of the reason why John ended things when he did. To be fair, he did have other circumstances that were outside of our control. He had to go back to his people. The whole mutant affairs angle just didn't work for him. I was sad to see him walk away. We didn't part on bad terms or anything like that. We just went on separate paths and we haven't looked back since._

_The period after my breakup with John is what Scott and I now call the flirting period. During that time, we acted an awful lot like a couple at times even though we never made a move. We were the butt of so many jokes from the others. They kept making cracks about how we should hook up or get a room or whatever qualifies as innuendo these days. Maybe we should have. Or maybe there was a reason why it didn't happen…a good reason that served us well in the long run._

_I know now that I really didn't understand what I was feeling for this man. How can I? I come from a family where love is so fragile and I was still playing catch-up when it came to making sense of these deeper relationships. John gave me a taste of what was possible. But it took another relationship for me and for Scott to really grasp the forces that were drawing us together._

_Dating Logan was certainly unexpected. That wasn't just a lesson in love. It was a lesson in the finer details of relationships. It seems kind of odd that I would learn so much from dating a guy like Logan, but I did. He taught me to channel all that passion I had in a new way. It made for an exciting and enchanting ride not to mention some pretty heated intimacy. Rogue's relationship with Scott was kind of like that too. She sort of jarred him into a mindset where he wasn't afraid to reach out and act on these emotions. A lot of what drove those relationships was raw emotion not complicated with subtleties. It was basic if not primal in a ways. There was definitely love. I never hesitated to tell Logan that I loved him. But there's only so far that basic passion goes. As soon as the subtleties and uncertainties start creeping in, that's when it starts to go downhill._

_After I broke up with Logan, everything started falling into place. I began to understand all these complex emotions I had for Scott. It was kind of like being given a map when I was completely lost. Sure, it took a while before he broke up with Rogue. But I think even she knew they were not going to last beyond a certain point. It certainly could have gone smoother. I still feel bad about causing so much tension between them. At least she hasn't held too much of a grudge. I actually think she's happy that Scott and I finally came together._

_It certainly could have gone smoother. We could both feel these unspoken emotions drawing us together. Yet it still took an incident with a guy named Sinister to get us to come clean. It's kind of fitting in a ways. We overcame so many challenges to fall in love yet we needed one more to make it official. It makes what we have now all the more precious._

Jean was still relishing in the warm rhythms of Scott's heartbeat. It was like a beacon, helping guide her into a peaceful sleep. She was close to nodding off when Scott lightly stirred from his slumber.

"Jean?" he said in a raspy voice.

"Mmm…did I wake you, Scott?" said Jean softly.

"A little," he teased, "You okay? You seem…restless."

"As if that's even possible after a night of heated lovemaking," she quipped.

"Are you sure? You know you're a lousy liar, especially with me."

"I'm sure," assured Jean.

Scott looked at her and smiled. Even when he was half-asleep, he could convey so much emotion to her. It was a level of emotion that Jean now cherished. It manifested in little moments like these, demonstrating the true extent of their love.

_There's so much passion in his eyes. He may hide them from the world behind those ruby quartz glasses of his, but I can feel it. That's the defining element of our relationship and how I know it's special._

_Scott had always been reserved if not stoic at times. He's never been big on expression emotions, but he's still an emotional person. I don't think anybody can really appreciate the kind of feeling he conveys. He's well-aware of what he feels. He's even gone so far to say that it's part of why his past relationships never got beyond a certain point. With me, it's different. I feel him on all the levels he coveys his emotions. I understand him and he understands me. All the passion that's such a huge part of who I am just comes together when I'm with him._

_We've only begun this relationship, but I'm not afraid to admit that I believe Scott's the one. In fact, I KNOW Scott's the one. We love each other in a way that goes beyond passion. We've connected on so many profound levels and yet there are so many others we're just beginning to explore._

_My love for Scott has brought me to a new stage in my life where I'm not afraid or uncertain. For years I've struggled to understand these feelings. I've lost so much and spent a good portion of my life just rebuilding. Now I'm done picking up the pieces. Together with Scott, I feel truly whole. I feel like there's no challenge I can't face. Whatever the world of the X-men or relationships has waiting for me, I'm ready to confront it. There's so much more to fight for and with Scott by my side, I'll fight with every ounce of passion in my heart._

Jean let out a content sigh and curled up closer to her lover. Scott was still smiling, lightly caressing her face with loving gestures. He looked like he was ready to make love to her all over again despite his drowsy state. It was a sentiment that did not go unappreciated by Jean.

"You're thoughts…they're so tender for a girl trying to fall asleep," she said softly.

"My mind is yours to enjoy, Jean," said Scott warmly, "Anything else I can do to help?"

"Well I am a little cold. Do you have any way of fixing that?"

"Not to worry, beautiful. I'll keep you warm tonight. I promise."

Always one to stay true to his word, Scott gently slipped his arm around Jean's waist and hugged her closely. His powerful grip provided just the kind of warmth she was looking for. Letting out a soft purr, Jean Grey assumed a comfortable position next to her lover and let herself drift into a world of dreams.

'_I love you, Scott.'_

'_I love you too, Jean.'_

* * *

><p><strong>Up next: Hank McCoy<strong>_  
><em>


	3. Hank McCoy

**Supreme Reflections  
>Hank McCoy<strong>

* * *

><p><strong>Hank's Reflections (AN: Takes place after issue 29)<strong>

The complexity of human affairs was a puzzle like no other. Hank McCoy was used to solving vast puzzles with his brilliant mind. He was a lifelong champion in the use of logic and reason. Yet in the scope of a seemingly infinite range of personal propensities, it seemed the strength of logic and reason reached its limits.

In his lab there was a chalkboard he often used to jot down ideas or work out formulas. More often than not it was littered with random equations and various data from experiments. Some of his students joked how this oversized board was a mosaic of the complicated yet brilliant workings of his mind. He often spoke with such advanced understanding that he often flew over the heads of even his best students. Yet right now, he didn't feel all that smart. In fact, he felt downright foolish.

For a time, he was the beast that had the beauty that saw beyond his monstrous exterior. He had the love and dedication of Ororo Munroe, a woman with the kind of grace and warmth that seemed worthy of a million Shakespearian sonnets. She was so good to him. She was the first relationship he had since he underwent the transformation that he had been cursed with. She broke him out of a shell that he had been stuck in for the longest time. Yet still, he blew it with her. Even for a mind such as his, that was difficult to comprehend.

_Carl Sagan once said, "It's better to light a candle than to curse the darkness." I wonder if he had a lost love in mind when he came up with such a profound musing. It would certainly be appropriate. Cursing the darkness is the easy part when that's all that surrounds you. Lighting that proverbial candle and using it to find the way is much more difficult._

_How could anyone regardless of their aptitude in Quantum Mechanics be so foolish? I had before me what I once thought to be a statistical impossibility. A beautiful woman full of grace and majesty had given her heart to me. Together we shared a love and intimacy that transcended the superficial. What we had was deeper than mere natural instinct. For a man such as me, that alone goes a long way. Yet it all fell apart. It fell apart because I let it._

_How could I be so foolish? How could I be so asinine? I grew up in a world surrounded by reason and logic. Why is it that I can apply these skills in every other endeavor except those of a personal nature?_

Hank racked his brain for answers. Usually, they came easy or at the very least he was able to go through the complicated steps that would lead him to the answer. This time he was completely at a loss. He had no clues, no variables, and no formulas to work out. He had only the burden of a foolish heart.

Holding his head low, Hank swallowed a bitter growl and grabbed a piece of chalk. He then found himself jotting down some random notes on his board. This time they were of a non-intellectual nature. They were strictly abstracts. He wrote down words such as love, heartbreak, mistake, and reasons. He circled each word and then put a big question mark next to it. This crude model represented the problem his powerful intellect faced.

_I suppose personal issues have always been a fickle phenomenon in the ongoing tale that is my life. Perhaps it's because I had so few growing up. My childhood was one of privilege and opportunity. My father, Norton McCoy, was able to provide a very comfortable life for me and my mother as a scientist at Lawrence Livermore Laboratories. Not only did he put food on the table, he opened me to a world I seemed destined to be a part of._

_I remember the first day he let me visit the lab. I swear it was like a spiritual experience. Being surrounded by all that equipment, it made me feel like I was approaching a gateway into the mind of God. My father later said he knew from that look on my face that I would follow in his footsteps. I was perfectly content with that and I immersed myself in the world of science from the moment I was capable of understanding it._

_Every moment of my upbringing, my parents nurtured my thirst for knowledge. They enrolled me in extra classes, sent me to private schools, and got me every book I could consume. My natural knack for reason set me apart from most children. I remember at my first science camp I asked so many questions to my teachers I practically confounded their work with the other children. At times I overwhelmed them and I probably did not make many friends in the process. It appears to be the beginning of an overall lacking of certain social skills that may very well have culminated in these recent troubles I face._

_If there was a flaw in my persona my parents certainly didn't recognize it. I gave them no clues to indicate as such because I was so immersed in science. Yet I did not become anti-social. I constantly put myself out there, asking questions to people who shared my passion for reason. In this my mother was quite helpful. She always had a silver tongue and a quick wit, something many of my less social peers lacked. It helped me move forward and excel both in school and in my activities. By the time I was seven I was making integrated circuits and skipping grade levels on a routine basis. I took an IQ test a few years later and was labeled a genius. Everyone seemed to agree. I was destined for great things. Then I got my first taste of hardship._

Hank paused for a moment before writing another string of words next to the question mark. They consisted of concepts such as hardship, coping, and understanding. He circled them as well and drew a line to the big question mark that was next to the other group of words. Stepping back a bit, he stared intently at the text and tried extrapolating the answer he so desperately needed.

_My father had recently began work on a new biotechnology project. It was purely speculative in nature so it was not considered sensitive. Because of that he shared it with me, explaining how he was seeking a means to stimulate and regulate latent genetic traits within any given organism. The idea was that those born with faulty genetics could be treated more effectively if their genes were given a proverbial kick start. He was so enthusiastic about it and I ended up sharing that enthusiasm. I shared it to such a great extent that much of my focus in the sciences shifted to biology. I wanted to learn with my father as he did his work and on several occasions he let me accompany him during experiments he set up in our garage._

_It was all fun and games until one day, his superiors came barging in while I was watching him on his latest experiment. They practically cornered my father and tried to force me out of the room. I was a bit taken, so much so that I accidentally shut down the experiment improperly. It caused a bit of an incident that would later come back to haunt me. But that was not my primary concern. This conflict was all about my father and his research._

_They wanted him to cross an ethical line. They wanted him to take his research and develop it for military purposes. Around this time mutants were gaining more attention and various agencies were vying for influence in mutant affairs. The military, as is often the case, took a fairly reactive position and wanted to make my father's genetic research a weapon. They reasoned that if he could manipulate genetic expression then perhaps they could use that as a tool to control mutants. It did not take a man as smart as my father to figure out the more sinister undertones of such a program._

_They did not give him much say in the matter. He was part of a government lab. As such, he was obligated to direct his research as they saw fit. But my father had too much a backbone. He had always been adamant about using science for the good of mankind. Making weapons that could be used to control and possibly oppress innocent mutants certainly did not fit that mold. I remember some fairly heated discussions over this matter. The lab gave him two options: go along with the research or lose his job. The former would have been much easier on himself and his family, but for the sake of his honor and personal convictions he chose the latter. I don't think he even thought twice about it._

Hank added a new word to the least. This time it was conviction, a concept he had not factored into this formula. He soon found himself pacing and pacing for him didn't just involve walking back and forth. It also involved jumping up onto the roof and hanging upside down like an actual ape. It was primitive, but it helped him think.

_That decision is important. It's one of the few decisions my father made that I never fully understood. He sacrificed so much for himself and for those he loved. Overnight, our lives were uprooted. The money stopped coming in, the benefits we once enjoyed were no more, and security was no longer certain. For a time my parents spoke of divorce. I thought it was only a matter of time. But again, my father's conviction did not wane. He promised to make things right for his family and as painful as it seemed, he delivered._

_We soon left California and moved to New York City where my father got a low-paying job as a teacher. It wasn't nearly the money or security we were used to, but it did help us get our lives back on track. Both me and my mother started working as well. I could no longer further my scientific curiosity at camps or with excess spare time. I had to work as well as learn. In many ways that was good for me because it taught me the more rigorous part of life. It humbled me in the sense that I realized I could not get by on intellect alone. I had to accommodate conflicting forces within my environment that often prevented me from pursuing my passion._

_It is this question of ethics and fortitude that would become so influential in being part of the X-men. That hard line of right and wrong that my father would not cross stuck with me, but it only seemed to stick on the larger issues. I seemed to struggle with the finer details. This became apparent at age 16 when I graduated high school two years early with an advanced diploma. I was working odd jobs to help make ends meat, but it was rarely enough so I decided to put my mind to good use._

_On a weekend I took a train to Atlantic City in New Jersey, the eastern capital of gambling in the United States. There, I hoped to earn money in the game of blackjack. I recently read a book on counting cards and I felt with my mind I could certainly pull it off. I understood there were some ethical risks, but my family was in debt and I was willing to overlook that tiny detail. I now wish I hadn't._

_Since I was only 16, I could not legally gamble. So I browsed about the casinos until I found someone who appeared to be a high roller. He was a middle-aged man in sunglasses with a leather jacket an impressive array of Rolex watches and engraved jewelry. My students now say he appeared to be an archetype of most rap videos, whatever that may be. He was frustrated about losing a good deal of money at the tables so I sought him out on the boardwalk, saying I was in need of money and willing to lend my services for a small portion of the winnings. He took next to no convincing and looking back on it, that probably should have been a proverbial red flag._

_Within an hour we were at another casino and the man had taken out a 10,000 dollar line of credit. I stood across from him acting as though I was merely watching. A he played I would give him certain signals on whether to hit, stand, double down, or increase his bet. Before long, the universal laws of mathematics took over and he started winning. He started winning big. Within three hours he was up nearly fifty thousand dollars. He was so exuberant he nearly got himself kicked out of the casino. Luckily, we managed to slip away and he collected the money. That's when it all went downhill._

_We met on the boardwalk and I asked him for my portion. He was not going to let me have them. He said what I had was something special. He wanted us to go into business as he called it, saying they could make a fortune. I told him I was not okay with this. I just wanted the money to help my family. He wouldn't take no for an answer. It got rough and some of his friends surrounded me. That's when that experiment with my father's research caught up to me. I later found out that it stimulated my latent X-gene. When put in such a stressful position, it manifested in a big way. And by big I mean I grew fangs, my muscles bulged, and I lashed out like an animal going on a warpath. It allowed me to escape from the men, but it revealed something terrible while also teaching me a valuable lesson in dealing with thugs._

Hank dropped down from the ceiling and jotted down some more thoughts. This time they all related to his mutant abilities. They included words like beast, mutation, control, and struggle. They were all painfully appropriate, if not under-representative of the sheer gravity of his predicament.

_This little mishap was difficult to hide from my parents. They were upset enough about me trying to gain money through such spurious means. They were even more distraught when they found out about my mutation. My father blamed himself because it was his experiments that set this into motion. He did some tests using some old notes of his and found out that my mutation involved ape-like reflexes, but due to the mishap with his experiment my X-gene was given too much a shove. That meant they were manifesting with greater intensity than they would have if allowed to manifest naturally. This greatly concerned me and my parents._

_We were under no illusions. Me being a mutant was going to seriously affect my ability to function normally. My father did not want to see my gifts squandered so he called up an old colleague of his, Charles Xavier. He had been doing some traveling with Erik Lensherr at the time, but was still able to lend his support. In fact, my timing was perfect because this was during a period when he was just beginning his battle with cancer and re-examining his work on mutation in hopes of finding better treatments._

_It started off with a simple visit. Charles invited my father and me to a lab at Princeton University. There, he used my father's notes to concoct a serum that would stabilize my mutation. It would allow me to enjoy the benefits of stronger reflexes and enhanced physical attributes while staving off the animal instincts that seemed to be overwhelming me. It was like a godsend, but my father expressed concern that such a treatment would act as a false sense of security…that somehow I would not devote enough energy to controlling it on my own._

_My father, being far wiser than I was at the time, was nothing short of prophetic. I foolishly ignored these warnings because I was so intent on making up for my ethical failings at the casino. I was willing to accept this burden in order to make a better future for myself and my parents. To me it felt right. I would redeem myself by bearing this burden on my own and I had an opportunity to do so, again from Charles Xavier. He was so impressed with my intellect during the testing he was able to pull some strings and get me a scholarship at Princeton. I was 18 at the time and it was like a dream come true. While my father had reservations, I convinced him to give me a chance. I now wish he had been more critical._

Once again, Hank stood conflicted. What could he write to best describe something that did him so much good in the short and medium term, but still affected him personally in the long term? It would have made more sense if those later endeavors in his youth had failed miserably. It would have actually been an appropriate punishment for not developing the same strict ethical lines his father had. At the same time he did do a lot of good during this period for himself and his family. So how could he possibly construe this in such concrete terms? His powerful mind was already feeling the strain.

_At first it did not appear to have any negative consequences. I excelled at Princeton in a way that surprised even myself. I took full advantage of every opportunity to work and apply myself. I took advanced classes, did lab extra lab work, conducted my own research, and even earned myself some significant credibility in the world of academia. My mother and father were so proud, seeing me realize my potential. I also became fairly close with Charles Xavier, who was equally impressed with my efforts._

_I didn't just make progress in the classroom either. In various social circles, I made great strides as well. Thanks to the serum I was able to carry myself as normally as any other college student. My status as a mutant was kept under wraps. Yet that didn't stop me form using my mutant talents. I joined the school football team and set several rushing records that still stand to this day. I'm also not too bashful to admit I earned my share of female attention as well. Being smart, a star athlete, and a natural charmer thanks to my mother's tutelage it put me in prime position to enjoy the company of women._

_It's safe to say that this was a very happy time in my life. But it was also a time of growing concern as well. My father's concerns about the serum eventually caught up with me. I became completely dependant on it and overtime it lost it's effectiveness. I kept having to tweak and intensify the concoction to make it work. This whole time I was aware that this was a mere temporary fix and I would eventually have to come up with a more permanent solution. I wish I had dedicated more time to it, but then my accumulated karma came to haunt me with tragedy as a companion._

Mental strain was now giving way to emotional strain as Hank's expression fell. This was one part of the equation that could not be quantified or even qualified with the appropriate words.

_The ramifications came in the form of a stroke that struck my father and struck him hard. Overnight he went from a healthy and brilliant man of the world to one whose very existence hung by a thread. I literally dropped everything I was doing at Princeton and rushed to be by his bedside with my mother. I arrived just in time to find out that the stroke caused irreversible brain damage. He could no longer speak or see. The doctors say he probably couldn't add two and two at one point. It was truly devastating and did much to bring me back to the world of humility._

_My father lingered in a coma for a month. During that time I rarely left his bedside. My mother was not coping well and neither was I. The emotional strain caused a great deal of agitation in my mutant abilities. I was soon feeling the beast within knowing hard at my being, wanting desperately to lash out. I fought hard to hold it back. I took larger doses of the serum that my own father had warned me against. For a time I was going down a very dark path. Then something amazing happened._

_For all my arrogance and selfishness, fate threw me another lifeline. In what could have been my darkest hour, a ray of hope came in to illuminate my life in a way that defied all notions of reason. That ray of hope had a name. It was Carley._

His saddened expression lifted somewhat. The sorrow of his father's illness was difficult enough, but it was during that illness that Carley entered his life. His hands shook somewhat as he approached the chalkboard gain. This was where the past and present began to build inroads. Above all the other words he had written down thus far, he wrote Carley's name in bold letters. It was a name that carried a great deal of significance and one that still affected him to this day.

_When I first saw her, I barely even noticed that she was a beautiful woman with a caring heart. She was the daughter of one of the top doctors in the hospital. She was also in college like me, studying to become a nurse. She certainly had the heart and the mind for such a career. She also had some unique talents that set her apart._

_Carley was a mutant. She had the unique ability to see with her eyes the entire range of the electromagnetic spectrum. Whereas even higher animals only see a mere fraction of what there is to see in the world, she could see it all. She aided in my father's treatment by using her eyes to scan his body for additional clots and vascular damage. When I learned of this skill we started talking. Pretty soon I mentioned that I was a mutant as well. I might as well have told her I was a celebrity because her eyes lit up in a way I've yet to see anyone match. I may have been the first mutant besides herself that she met and from there a new relationship was born._

_It would have to be born out of tragedy because even as we got to know each other over the next few weeks, my father passed away. It was a very difficult time for me and one that Carley did much to make easier. In a sad twist of fate my father's death helped draw us together. She was even with me at my father's funeral. It was something I desperately needed. Not only did her compassion provide me with tremendous comfort, it helped stem the angry beast that was still festering inside me. It was a part of myself I did not wish to burden Carley with yet she accepted it anyways. I can't even begin extrapolate how remarkable such loving support astonishes and astounds a grieving young man._

_Over the course of the next year, our relationship would grow and flourish. She helped me fight through these dark times and I gave to her my undying love. With that love, I finished my class work at Princeton. At 22 I received a PHD in science and biology. Carley finished her nursing training as well and was already on her way to becoming a dedicated healer of the ill. I tried to keep things simple. I did not want to put myself in the same position my father had with his work. I continued research at Princeton while taking a job as a teacher at a local school called Bayville. It was deeply rewarding and wonderfully fulfilling. The timing seemed right to take the next step._

Next to Carley's name, Hank wrote another string of words that would later take on a much more painful connotation. They were simple terms such as commitment, simplicity, amiable, and tranquil. He circled ever one of them and right next to them he wrote the word that tied them all together: engagement.

_I asked Carley to marry me. I did so on a bitterly cold Christmas night. We were on a walk just outside my home near Princeton and I stopped us at a small clearing I went out of my way to time perfectly as the proper moment. I got down on one knee, told her how much I loved her, and presented a ring that cost me nearly two full paychecks to purchase. She nearly burst into tears of joy and said yes. _

_It was the happiest moment of my life to that point. I felt so complete. Everything was falling into place. My life had stabilized, I had a job and a career that I was proud of, and I was going to marry the most beautiful woman a man such as me could ask for. It could have been the beginning of a picturesque life worthy of ancient lore. For two mutants living in an increasingly complicated world, it was almost the perfect bevy of circumstances. I say almost because there was one minor detail that stood in our way._

_My powers were still held the potential to ruin everything and within months of our engagement, they began making a valiant effort. It wasn't subtle either. I started having nightmares about a blue furred creature chasing me in the woods. Not only that, I began sleep-walking and letting out these animal growls that Carley found very distressing. I did my best to manage these manifestations with the serum, but it was losing it's effectiveness. Not wanting to ruin the life I had promised Carley, I turned to Charles Xavier for help. What he revealed would be almost as devastating as my father's stroke._

_Using his telepathy, he entered my mind to discover that the beast within me was manifesting in ways that my initial mutation didn't seem to allow. A few further tests showed that my suppressing this creature with the serum was reeking havoc on my X-gene. It shouldn't have come as such a shock, but when a trait is forcibly pushed in one direction it is naturally inclined to push back. Keep pushing harder and it pushes harder as well. Now my mutation was pushing so hard it had the potential to cause what Charles described as extreme physiological and biological perturbations. I found this revelation unacceptable. I simply refused to allow my mutation to ruin my life. Charles implored me to take a more reasonable approach, but my love for Carley overshadow all else._

_I literally ran out of Xavier's office and into my lab at Princeton. For three days straight I did not leave. I called in sick from my teaching job and I told Carley I was working on something very important for the wedding. It was not a total lie, but it was still hiding the truth. I broke out every scrap of my father's old research on suppressing genetic triggers and tried to formulate a serum that would permanently suppress this beast. I wanted this to be the last time I ever had to deal with taking a serum. I wanted this to be the end of my struggle. I didn't care if it meant losing my powers either. I wanted to remain normal enough to give Carley the life she deserved._

_After three sleepless days I had what I hoped would be my answer. I had what I hoped would be the final answer. If my father had been alive at the time, he probably would have thrown himself between me and the serum. If Carley had been there she would have done the same. If anyone of a sound mind had been there they would have at least told me to think twice. But for once in my life, I wasn't thinking logically. I was thinking with my heart and last I checked there are no frontal lobes in the heart. I took that serum. I took it all at once and the result was nothing as I hoped and everything as I feared._

Hank turned away from the chalkboard for a moment and stared at his reflection in a nearby chemistry beaker. The blue-furred, ape-like creature that now so defined him was not merely a product of mutation. It would have been much easier to accept if it were, but the truth was much more humbling. This creature that he spent years trying to suppress was a product of his own doing. It was the culmination of a great many mistakes. In a ways it felt like a punishment of fate. He didn't listen to his father or to Charles Xavier. As a result, he had to carry with him this profound burden.

_My nightmares took form and substance that night. I felt as though someone was performing surgery on every major organ in my body without anesthetic while I was completely awake. To say it was agonizing would be a poor representation of the kind of pain such a transformation involved. I went from a six foot stocky white male to a nearly seven foot blue furred creature in the span of thirty seconds. The beast inside took over, turning me into the blue-furred proto-simian I am now. I was so overwhelmed at the time I nearly went mad._

_For a time Hank McCoy was completely shut out. There was only the beast. By whatever instinct I was operating on, I took to the woods and sought out Carley. I later found out that this stunt would be responsible for no fewer than fifteen Bigfoot sightings. I can laugh about it now, but at the time it was truly terrifying._

_Lucky for me, Carley was not alone when I sought her out. After my visit with Charles Xavier, he became worried and paid Carley a visit hoping to discuss my predicament. Whatever their plans were for me, they went out the door the moment I arrived on the back porch of my home. I still remember the terrified look on Carley's face when I first arrived. I'll never forget that look no longer how hard I try. The beast within me reached out to her in the midst of this confusion. I probably would have hurt her in the process, but thankfully Charles Xavier was there to save me from myself. He used his telepathy to reconnect the mind of Hank McCoy with that of the beast. It essentially ended the struggle I had been caught up in since my powers first manifested, but at a high price._

_When the dust settled, I sat down with Carley and tried to salvage whatever was left. I still had great love for her and she had great love for me, but me being an ape man would make our relationship next to impossible. I tried and I tried with every ounce of my intellect to formulate a way for it to work. The strange part was that Carley said she would have been willing to overlook the fur and the appearance if not for one significant detail._

_The entire reason I took such a foolish risk was because of my arrogant desire to be normal for her. She looked upon that decision with the same ire my father had done with the serum. I was so reasonable in every other aspect of my life, but when it came to the decisions that mattered most I was as irrational as the most pig-headed of men. In her mind it was tantamount to saying that I had too many doubts about our love. If I thought she wouldn't love me because of my appearance, than maybe I was pursuing this relationship for all the wrong reasons. We were not normal. She wasn't trying to suppress what she was. Why should I do the same? It was a cold splash of reality that I should have received long ago. For that, our fate was sealed._

_The next day I broke off my engagement to Carley. I also quit my teaching job at Bayville and my lab work at Princeton. The life I had previously known was over. Now that I was in a new body I would require a new livelihood. Humbled and utterly penitent, I was ready to accept whatever hardship was in store for me. It seemed only fitting for my long streak of arrogance. Those clear lines of right and wrong that my father never crossed were finally there for me to see. It took a long time for me to realize it, but now that I had I could use this knowledge to further my new life._

Hank stared at Carley's name for a big longer. Some tears formed in his eyes that he had to wipe away before he continued. His love for Carley was never going to leave him. Why would he want it to? It was a harsh reminder of the price he paid for all his mistakes. He needed that reminder to reinforce those clear lines of right and wrong. Those were the lines his father never crossed and now that he understood, he was intent on upholding those same lofty standards. He would eventually get another chance to do so in a bold new way.

With the chalk still in his hand he wrote down the name Charles Xavier and X-men on the board next to Carley's. This was where the present finally caught up to the past and that's what led him to this moment in time.

_Once again, I would be given another major opportunity from Professor Charles Xavier. Since my appearance made a traditional life all but impossible, he offered me a chance to partake in a not-so-traditional life at his newly formed Xavier Institute. His school was just starting up at the time and it was in need of a teacher. It seemed like the perfect place for me. I had so many lessons to teach young minds and it seemed like a great environment for me to make amends._

_And so my research continued and so did my teaching career. With students like Scott Summers, Jean Grey, Warren Worthington, and Bobby Drake I had a fresh round of inspiration. Not only that, I was able to take this Beast I had become and implement it into something positive for the world. During the early mask-wearing vigilante days of the X-men, I was probably the only one who didn't really need a mask. Yet I wore one anyways, going off with the team to fight crime and persecution for mutants and human alike. It helped me cope with if not embrace the creature I had become._

_Then Ororo entered the picture. At first I had no intention of seeking a new relationship. I was still reeling from Carley. It was so bad I didn't even tell my students about it. Only Charles knew the full story. Ironically, it was he who suggested I reach out to her while she was still in school in Louisiana. He thought I was becoming too isolated and disconnected. Besides teaching and working in my lab, I really didn't get out much and that worried him. Such worries were perfectly valid, but I don't think even he imagined that Ororo and I would fall for each other._

The final variable of the equation finally made it onto the board. Hank wrote down Ororo's name just to the right of everything he had written thus far. From her name, he drew lines to each term to create an intricate web-like structure. It tied together everything that had brought him to this point. As he took everything in, the complexity didn't bother him nearly as much as the emotional strain.

_She was just what I needed. Ororo was the perfect remedy for a heart still in need of mending. At first I was uncertain that I could carry on a relationship with anyone because of my appearance. I'm glad I was wrong. When Ororo first saw me, she wasn't disgusted or frightened. In fact, I think she was intrigued. I'm not sure if that's just some unusual proclivities on her part, but she was drawn to me and I was drawn to her. I can't imagine any man who wouldn't be. She had such beauty, grace, and compassion. One would never expect she used to be a thief. It would have been more appropriate to label her a goddess with her love of nature and all things worldly._

_It all unfolded so easily. We spent six months getting to know each other. Then when she joined the institute we started dating. From there, we became intimate. Love and connection soon followed. She broke me out of the shell I was unwittingly building around myself. I hadn't been that happy since I was with Carley. We had few conflicts or arguments. We both had a strong appreciation for the forces of nature and we weren't afraid to get intimate. In fact, I think Ororo even liked my fur. So what went wrong? _

_Was it the fact it happened so easily? Do strong relationships need some level of conflict to be solidified? Perhaps it had more to the smaller details that were larger than we let on. She always did seem a bit overwhelmed when I started talking about my research that often included terms not found in a regular dictionary. It was also difficult doing activities of an intellectual nature because I would always surpass her. But that didn't cause a major rift. It couldn't have._

Hank stared at the board a few moments longer. It soon became clear to him that there were a number of variables that he was avoiding. One in particular stood out. It was one that he connected with a line between Ororo and an attribute of his past that always seemed to come back to haunt him…his arrogance.

_Of course! Why do I insist on avoiding the obvious? Love alone cannot carry a relationship. There needs to be a certain level of honesty. I remember on our first date how Ororo and I talked about the difficulty of discussing past relationships. We promised to one another that we would work towards those issues gradually. It's pretty clear now that we never got to that point._

_I never told her about Carley. She never told me about Remy. We never gave each other a reason to be that honest, but given my past I should have been the one to make the first move. Yet once again, my arrogance plagues me. No amount of brilliance or reason can make up for such a shortcoming. I blindly assumed that withholding the truth was for the better…that somehow it would be easier in the long run. I couldn't be more wrong if I denied the existence of gravity._

_How could I let this drag out? I hurt Ororo with my arrogance just as I hurt Carley. In that sense being a beast is not only an appropriate manifestation of my powers, it's practically a metaphor for my personal shortcomings._

Hank hung his head low. It was a difficult moment for him. All these realizations were so obvious yet he never really confronted them until now. The impact was hard. He could feel it on his heart and soul as if someone was hitting him upside the head with a baseball bat. If he were to grade himself he would earn no higher than a D. He was better than this. He worked to make amends for his mistakes, but he kept making others that he shouldn't be making. For a man of his intellect, he was a slow learner when it came to such transgressions.

Staring at this board was it's own worst punishment. It was one he certainly deserved. Even though Ororo did not hate him and neither did Carley, he deserved to endure this torment. He needed to feel it if for no other reason than to forcibly instill this lesson he seemed to struggle with at every turn. He stood in a daze, swallowing his pride and ego with every passing second. He would have stood for hours if necessary had he not heard a light beep from his laptop, which was plugged in across the lab.

"Blast…should've turned that off," he muttered.

Shaken form his daze, Hank walked over to his laptop and prepared to close it. Then he saw on the screen a message indicating he had an email sent to his private account. It was an email from an address he recognized and it added yet another fresh layer to an already complicated problem.

_Tessa…how could I not factor that in? She was the catalyst that sparked so much of this into motion. That first email she sent should have been a sign. A mutant of great intellect wanting to talk about issues that I am so very passionate about who also happens to be a beautiful woman…I probably should have seen the dangers. I had no intention of letting her come between me and Ororo, but it happened. I lost control of the situation because I wasn't honest. I didn't stand up and confront her. I didn't walk away or simply delete the messages. I let it get out of hand and this time it wasn't out of arrogance._

_This woman…she speaks to me as if she knows me on every conceivable level. When I speak to her, she understands. There is no word too fancy. There is no rhetoric too obscure. She can decipher my meaning, my emotions, and my passions in a way that even Carley could never manage. What does it say when a woman I've never even met face-to-face connects with me better than two women I've actually been intimate with? Even I cannot decipher the full meaning, but the details are ominous._

_It all comes back to the complexity of human emotion. I had strong feelings for Ororo and Carley. I may indeed be developing some of those feelings for Tessa. But for now, I simply cannot allow myself to enter another predicament where I'm prone to making the same mistakes. To quote George Santayana, "Habit is stronger than reason." Until I can break these habits, I cannot and will not let my ethical weakness hurt others._

_That is my most important task as an X-man. Charles Xavier has taught us all the importance of humanity. We must all be willing to humble ourselves for our very human flaws despite having such extraordinary powers. The price I've paid for these flaws has been an important learning experience that goes beyond academic pursuits. Like my father before me, I must hold true to that clear ethical line of right and wrong. It is only with those lines that I can prevent the mishaps that leave those I love hurt. Regardless of my past mistakes and the role I play as an X-man for the future, I must fight for those boundaries. If not for myself, then I do so for a new generation of humans and mutants alike._

Hank was tempted to set aside this self-loathing and move forward, but not yet. He closed his laptop without answering Tessa's message. He then walked back to his chalkboard and stared at it for a bit longer. It made a little more sense now. Everything from his powers to Ororo, he had some perspective.

Such knowledge was almost as valuable as any breakthrough in physics or mathematics. It was a discovery he could not afford to take lightly. At the same time he couldn't afford to dwell on it either. He had to keep being Beast, a teacher and a role model that so many of the younger X-men looked up to. He needed to move forward into the future without letting the past consume him.

"I'm sorry, Father. I'm sorry, Carely. I'm sorry, Ororo," he said softly, "I'll learn from my mistakes. I'll be a better man and a better Beast. I promise."

He spoke to no one in particular. These were words he needed to hear from himself. Once he had a moment to digest them, he grabbed an eraser and wiped clean the entire chalk board. In a ways it was like wiping away the past so he wouldn't dwell on it while still remembering the key lessons. He also made a promise to the people he cared about, thus obligating him to keep it.

Hank McCoy had learned so much in his life and there was still so much more to uncover. He dedicated much of his efforts to science, but for too long he negated the more personal lessons. That was going to be different now. It had to be. He may be a beast, but he refused to be a monster. Worldly knowledge could tell him how the universe worked, but it couldn't tell him why it worked. He was going to master this knowledge of right and wrong just as he had so many other forms of science. To be brilliant simply wasn't enough. He was going to be brilliant for all the right reasons.

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><p><strong>Up next: Warren Worthington III<strong>


	4. Warren Worthington III

**Supreme Reflections  
>Warren Worthington III<strong>

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><p><strong>Warren's Reflections (AN: Takes place after issue 43)<strong>

_Why do we do it? What's the point? Is it really worth sacrificing time, energy, and an ungodly level of heartache? I see everybody getting caught up in it. Friends, family, and even enemies take part in this madness. They blindly dedicate themselves to someone they think is the one…their true love. They wait, sacrifice, and agonize at every waking moment. And for what? Love? Sex? Companionship? _

_Damn you, Candy Southerner! Damn you, Father! As far as I'm concerned it's all more trouble than it's worth._

Warren Worthington III may very well be the most sarcastic and cynical person on the face of the planet at the moment. Considering the planet just made it through a close call with mass extinction, this was really saying something. But if Warren was a betting man, he would wager his entire family fortune that he harbored more bitterness than anyone could ever hope to match.

It was a tragedy and not of the Shakespearean kind either. He just found out the last two years of his life had been tainted by one big lie. Even though he had grown used to lies from the world outside the X-men, this one hurt. It hurt in ways no words could describe. His heart, his soul, and his very will to continue was shaken. While the X-men and the rest of the world worked to undo the damage done by Magneto, Warren Worthington III had some more personal repairs of his own to take care of.

He needed to get away from it all. He needed a clear head and a quiet place. In his experience there was nowhere on Earth quiet enough to wrestle with these issues so his only sanctuary was up in the sky within the clouds. It was probably the best use of his powers. Every day he would just step outside and go on a nice flight, taking refuge in the calm surrounding of the clear blue skies. Today happened to have the perfect weather. The winds were light, the sky was clear, and the temperatures were just right. For the past hour he had been flying around the mansion and the lake, trying to get away from everything on the ground that had caused him so much pain.

_I wish I could live the rest of my days up here in the sky. It's so much simpler up here. There's no conflict, no heartbreak, and aside from the occasional jet fumes it smells a lot nicer too. It would be so great if I could just leave it all behind. Lord knows I've tried before. Even if I look like an angel, there are times I feel outright damned._

_It's pretty ironic because there aren't many people who wouldn't hesitate to switch places with me. I'm young, I'm handsome, I'm rich, and I can fly. It's like I won the lottery three times in a row the day I was born. Who wouldn't want to grow up in that kind of environment? The Worthington family isn't just rich. They're obscenely rich with billions of dollars of wealth. We have so much money that even the most reckless human being in the world couldn't spend it all in one lifetime. You don't just get a silver spoon when you're born. You get a diamond encrusted, platinum plated, gold molded arsenal of eating utensils that you use to shovel the most expensive cuisine in existence into your mouth as if it were chocolate._

_That all sounds nice on paper, but there is a long list of caveats. The cynics are right in this respect. It is lonely at the top sometimes. Money really cannot buy away problems. As if that weren't enough, more money tends to attract more problems. Throw a family legacy and a multi-billion dollar enterprise that five generations of Worthingtons have built and you've got the kind of enigmas that Einstein himself couldn't crack._

_None of these problems are clear at the beginning. I sure didn't feel that way when I was young. I had damn near everything a kid could want. My room was like a miniature toy store. If I ever wanted something, I would just ask and within a day or so I would have it. One time I wanted the latest Nintendo game, my father's people actually called Nintendo up in Japan and had them fly the game over to me personally before it even hit the shelves. That's the kind of wealth we're dealing with here and I didn't give it much thought. What kid would? But it became painfully apparent earlier for me than it did with other rich kids and it wasn't just the burden of a family legacy._

Warren picked up speed as he flew higher into the sky, reaching an altitude just above the cloud-line. He could only fly so high before the air got too thin and or too cold. Whenever he was really upset, he often tested the limits and today was more than appropriate. He was almost at his record for altitude and a fresh stream of blistering cold soon swept over his wings and body. The winged mutant cared little for the shivers that followed. He was willing to do anything at this point to take his mind off his troubles. But even at this altitude, the conflicts of his life still followed him.

_It started off small. My parents groomed me from an early age to carry on the Worthington name. I swear you could have bought two houses and a new Bentley with the money they spent on my education. They sent me to the fanciest private schools and hired the best tutors money could buy. It was pretty overwhelming for a young kid and I didn't respond in a way anyone would call mature. I know all kids go through a rebellious phase, but mine was a little more severe than others. I later found out there was a reason for this extra pressure from my parents and it wasn't just typical rich people buffoonery._

_My parents never intended for me to be an only child. They made no secret of their desire to build and expand the next generation of Worthingtons. My grandfather, Warren Senior, died prematurely before fathering many kids. This caused somewhat of a glut in our ranks and my dad sort of took it upon himself to pick up the slack. When they had me they were ecstatic. I'm pretty sure they wanted to keep going. I sure as hell didn't know much about this nor did I care to. But it was not lost on me that my parents clearly wanted more kids and they weren't having any._

_This would be the first time I was hurt by secrets. While I they were pampering me and shoving so much education down my throat, my mom was secretly lamenting about her inability to get pregnant. She went to all sort of fertility experts and they couldn't figure it out. Then one day they learned the truth and it was worse than anyone suspected. My mother had ovarian cancer and it not only left her infertile, it was slowly killing her._

_I found out when I was just nine years old. Overnight, my rebellious attitude and arrogant selfishness was shoved aside. My mother was dying. I could no longer afford to be immature. I now understood why they dedicated so much effort into nurturing me. Since I was their only son I was basically their only shot at continuing the Worthington name. That really struck me and I learned a great deal about living up to that name._

_During this time I essentially stopped living such a charmed life and spent most of my time either studying or supporting my mother. Now I wanted to live up to my family name. I wanted to make my mother proud of the son she bore. I kind of became her angel before I even had wings. I would sit by her bed for hours and just talk to her. We would laugh and tell stories. I thought it was pretty amazing a woman so sick could still smile. The cancer she had was pretty nasty and spread to several different organs within a year. My dad tapped pretty much every resource he could to treat her. It was probably the most decent thing he ever did. All those fancy doctors and experimental medicines bought mom time and eased her suffering. That extra time became pretty important in the long run because I developed a certain condition of my own._

_It started happening when I was around fifteen. My mom's condition took a huge turn for the worse and even the best doctors in the world were saying she didn't have much time left. All that stress probably set off my X-gene because I started developing these lumps on my back. At first I was terrified. I stayed home from school and tried to figure out what they were. I tried to conceal them with clothes and jackets, but it was no use. They kept on growing. For a while I thought it was more cancer. I remember rushing to my father for advice, who promptly rushed me to a special hospital where they threw me into an X-ray machine and did a full scan. I want to say I was relieved when they said they weren't tumors, but that actually only freaked me out even more. A blood test or two later and I finally got my answer. I was a mutant. _

_That offered some relief to me, but I remember my father looking deadpanned. I couldn't tell what he was thinking. I thought he would at least show some relief that I didn't have cancer like mom, but I get the feeling he would have actually been okay with cancer. His son being a mutant left him pretty conflicted. It was a sign of things to come. The only reason I didn't realize it was because my mother was on the brink. All our family wealth couldn't save her. Between her health and my mutation, all that money and privilege kind of lost its meaning. It gave me a lot to think about and I sure as hell wasn't equipped to deal with it._

_That turned into a major soul-searching period in my life. I stayed home with my mother while I got used to the idea of being a mutant. My mother took it much better than my father. Maybe it was because she was dying, but she told me to be proud. She told me that being different only made me more precious to her. I was actually in her room when my wings first sprouted from the lumps in my back. It happened while she was sleeping and I was just talking to her, venting all my uncertainties. It started as a stabbing pain, but it quickly passed. I like it to a caterpillar coming out of a cocoon because when those lumps were broken, my wings sprouted free. I made such a racket that I woke my mother. When she saw me she gasped, thinking that she had passed on. I assured her she hadn't. She still called me her angel. The name pretty much stuck._

_I'm kind of glad that she was the first person to see my wings. She didn't hide any uncertainty. She didn't keep any secrets. She saw me and accepted me. I would have loved to show her these powers and take her out on a flight. Sadly, I never got that chance. My mother passed away that night so she could be with real angels. I was with her until her dying breath. After that night, my life would never be the same. _

Warren stopped ascending into the cold recesses of the sky. He had already broken his record for height and duration. Even with his unique biology, breathing at this altitude was difficult. He started getting light-headed. It was almost a relief of sorts because it kept shedding a wave of tears. Any thought of his mother triggered a wave of emotion that just made him want to yell out at the top of his lungs. Between her and the fluttering sound of his wings flapping in the air, it was a reminder of just how much his world changed as he came of age.

_The death of my mother drove a permanent wedge between me and the carefree world of the rich that I was groomed to inherit. I noticed that when a lot of rich people face challenges, they try to spend the problem away. Conversely, my methods of coping didn't cost me a dime. The very day after my mother died, I stepped outside and started flexing my wings. From the roof of the Worthington mansion, I took my first flight. It wasn't anywhere near as graceful as one might think. Adapting to new limbs is not nearly as intuitive as it sounds. The flight was more a glide than anything else, but during those brief moments in the air my troubles were completely behind me._

_I soon became enchanted with my powers. They gave me an outlet from a world I was becoming increasingly disillusioned with. My father's methods of coping weren't nearly as efficient. He was not the same man after my mom died. I could tell the very next day. He seemed to lose much of his passion and essentially drowned himself in work. He became cold and distant, losing any sense of empathy. That works great in the business world, but not as a father._

_Now that my mother was gone he grew more anxious about me and my future. He was still determined to prepare me for my role as the future face of Worthington Industries. That face was going to have some problems though. My wings were pretty hard to ignore. At first he wanted me to hide them. I had to wear these horribly uncomfortable shirts and I was always being followed by these body guards my dad hired. He said it was to protect me. It was painfully clear that they were just there to keep an eye on me and make sure I didn't show my wings. I had to go through school like this for a while and I flat out hated it. I couldn't get close to anybody. I couldn't be open with anybody. I was my father's hidden shame._

_Eventually, I withdrew from the school and was tutored full time. I basically became relegated to the Worthington mansion. Granted, the mansion is big enough to have it's own zip code, but even a place like that can feel like a prison. Those walls started closing in on me. I couldn't take it, being cut off from the world at my father's whim. It would have been easy to just disobey him. But with my mother's death still fresh in my mind, I didn't have the heart to be a rebellious jerk. I needed to be something better. I needed to be something more._

_It was my mother's last words that inspired me. She called me an angel. She said I had a gift and I would grace the world with it. So that's what I was going to do._

Warren's expression hardened in the bitter cold and thin air. A few filled his eyes briefly. He washed them away by shifting his body and flying back down towards the surface below at high speeds. The blistering wind wiped away any tears of sorrow that lingered. The rush of the air still got his adrenaline flowing in the same way it had when this experience was still new to him. He felt it when he went on these long flights. He felt it when he went on a mission with the X-men. It was a feeling that money could not buy and one that guided much of his life.

_From her inspiration, I became Angel. I grabbed some dark clothes, threw on some heavy leather jackets and gloves, and made a mask out from some old Halloween gear. And just like that, I was a superhero. I took to the sky, flew into New York City, and started fighting crime and saving lives. I swooped in on some muggers, drug dealers, and gang bangers and put the fear of god into them. They actually thought I was a heavenly messenger. I even found out one of them became a priest later on. It was an incredible feeling, using these powers to help people._

_It didn't take long for my father to find out. The tabloids and the press were all over the story of a real anger as if Elvis had come back to life. Needless to say, he didn't approve. He told me I was being a fool. I was putting myself and the family name in great danger. I scoffed at that notion. It's not like I didn't care about our family. I wore a mask for crying out loud! But that wasn't enough for him. He forbade me to keep doing this. Naturally, I didn't listen. I was 17 years old and I got a taste of the hero life. There was no going back for me._

_I kept on going despite my father's disapproval. By day I still got tutored in the world of business, but by night my only business was to be a hero. I wasn't thinking much about making a career of it or anything. Human/mutant conflict was on the rise at the time and speculation about me being a mutant seemed to take away from the whole heavenly messenger aspect. But I honestly didn't care. I got too much fulfillment out of it. One night, I got something even more incredible._

Warren pulled up from his rapid descent, gritting his teeth threw the blistering wind. It felt like ice shards were bombarding his face. It helped mask the pain of the other great burden he bore from being a Worthington and having mutant powers. The hardest part was that there were times when it hadn't always been a burden. There were points in his life where his powers and his family intersected in unexpected ways.

He was about few hundred feet from the ground when he pulled up from his descent, pulling off a sharp turn before gracefully ascending into the air again where he settled in a perfect hover just over the lake. The adrenaline was still coursing through his veins. It reminded him of another kind of rush he felt only once and used to treasure.

_I was out on patrol one night, looking to help wherever I was needed. I flew over the George Washington Bridge for a quick breather and I landed just in time to see a traffic accident unfold like something from a Jackie Chan movie. This big truck was hauling these concrete slabs which weren't exactly secured as well as they should have been. The guy driving must have been from out of town as well because he was clearly not versed in the merits of New York City driving. He tried merging into another lane and some asshole cut him off, causing him to swerve and knock off a few of those concrete slabs. A number of incoming cars were closing fast and managed to avoid it. One in particular, a very nice convertible with the top down no less, wasn't so lucky._

_It all happened in slow motion. The convertible swerved, crashing at an angle against the barriers on the edge of the road. As it just so happened, the passenger of the car wasn't wearing a seatbelt and she got thrown from the car as if she had been shot out of a cannon. I can still hear her screams to this day. They belonged to a teenage girl named Candy Southerner. I instinctively flew down to save her, catching her just before she hit the water. When she saw me I swear she thought she had died. She even begged me not to take her away just yet. I tried not to laugh too hard when I told her I was just a guy who saved her life. When she finally had a moment to process everything, she looked at me with those beautiful eyes of hers and that was where it started. I had saved people before and they had given me all sorts of looks. But the way this girl looked at me was different. It was different in a way that I would grow very fond of._

_By the time I took her back to her bewildered father, I found out who she was. Candy Southerner was part of another rich family that made their billions in the pharmaceutical industry. Her father was a lot like mine in the sense that he was keen on continuing the family legacy. He almost lost that legacy the moment Candy fell off that bridge. When I brought her back he literally got on his knees and thanked me. It could have ended there, but I found myself drawn to this girl and boy did that change everything._

_After some heavy coaxing, I told Candy and her father who I was. Her father was pleasantly surprised that this guy who just saved his daughter belonged to another obscenely rich family. I don't think he needed much convincing when Candy started giving me that amours look. They were really understanding, so much so that they kept my secret and even reached out to my father. It was the beginning of a new phase in my life and this time it would have more direction than just being a hero._

_Within months Candy and I were a full fledge couple. I kept playing hero, but I always came back to her. She was so enamored by who I was and what I did. She fell head over heels for me much sooner than I fell for her. She was the first person I could share my secrets with…the first person I could connect with emotionally since my mother died. That connection turned into serious love. I really thought I had found the one. Because of that, I found myself wanting to grow up a little. As much as I loved being a hero, I knew that heroics alone wouldn't give Candy the life and relationship she deserved._

_This is when Professor Charles Xavier and the X-men came into my life. It was part of the coaxing Candy and her father did on my behalf. My father finally accepted that I was not going to stop doing what I did with my wings. So rather than keep fighting it, he decided to make a deal. He called up Professor Charles Xavier, whose Xavier Institute for Higher Learning was just gaining a reputation for educating mutants, and got me enrolled. Since Xavier and my father had a bit of a history, he knew a bit about the X-men and their clandestine heroics. He figured if I was going to continue being Angel, I might as well have some close supervision._

Warren's gaze drifted from the lake towards the Xavier Institute, which appeared so pristinely in the distance. This elegant estate held a great deal of significance for him. In many ways it became more a home to him than the home he had with his father. That transition didn't happen overnight though. It emerged from a series of conflicts that would take this happiness he once enjoyed and turn it on its head.

_Everything seemed to come together after I joined the institute. I got my act back together academically, which was good because I fell terribly behind. I also got to meet others like me. For once, I had real friends who understood me. Scott and Jean were awesome. And learning from Hank McCoy was way better than any of those expensive tutors my dad hired. Not only that, I could still be Angel as part of the X-men. I ended up helping way more people as part of a team than I ever could on my own._

_This new act didn't come without stipulations either. For one, my father was adamant that I always wear a mask and conceal my identity. He wouldn't even use my real name when he enrolled me with the institute. As far as the rest of the world was concerned, the real Warren Worthington III was studying in some fancy school in Virginia. He seriously did not want word to get out that he had a mutant for a son. I tolerated it, if for no other reason than to keep him off my back while I did my part for the X-men during our vigilante phase. I also had to tolerate being a part time act for the institute. I spent a few weeks with the X-men and a few weeks back home. I didn't really mind this because it gave me time to work on my relationship with Candy._

_Turns out we didn't have to work all that hard though. Candy and I just flat out fell for each other. We were seriously head over heels in love. The thought of even being attracted to anyone else didn't cross my mind. We went out on all sorts of private retreats, including a few trips to family vacation homes that ended up being clothing optional. We went on traditional dates as well, albeit with me wearing special clothing to cover my wings. The best part was just taking Candy in my arms and flying through the sky. It took her some getting used to, but she grew to love it and so did I. _

_By the time I turned 21 I was ready to marry this woman. I even talked to my dad about it. He still had reservations about me being a mutant, but this was one time when he seemed genuinely happy for me. The issue came up with Candy's family as well. She seemed all for it. I remember finding these sketches she was making of her dream wedding. It was a little over-the-top, but I didn't care. I was ready to accept anything for this woman. At least, I thought I was._

Warren clenched his fists in a fit of anger. He turned away from the Xavier Institute and back out towards the lake, already feeling that twinge of heartache that now plagued him worse than ever. He loved Candy Southerner with all his heart. Their relationship was like a fairy tale at times. This beautiful woman fell for an angel and they were going to build a life together. It didn't matter that he was a mutant. It didn't matter that she was human. What mattered is they loved each other.

That's all that should have mattered. That's all every hopelessly romantic notion in human history said was necessary. It shouldn't have been complicated, but the real world had a way of tainting even the strongest of loves. None of those romantics ever spoke of the actual logistics of a relationship. If they had then his would be a case study in how it could all go horribly wrong.

_Candy's began talking with my father. At the time Candy was 19 and had graduated at the top of her class from a prestigious business school. She was poised to become a big part of Southerner Pharmaceuticals and carry on her family legacy. Her marrying someone from the Worthington family could only help. A union between these two families would have shareholders fainting with joy. There was just one caveat. Nobody wanted this to be a wedding between a human and a mutant._

_It was like being hit in the head and stabbed in the back. The hit in the head came when Candy's parents stated that they wouldn't allow this marriage to take place so long as I had wings. If I was to marry the woman I love, I would have to cut them off. If that wasn't bad enough, the stab in the back came when my father revealed to me that he had been preparing for year that this day would finally come._

_I swear I was ready to deck the old man where he stood. Before my mother's body was even cold, my father set up a new division at Worthington Pharmaceuticals with the sole purpose of studying mutation and by study I mean finding a way to stop it. He called it a cure. I called it outright bullshit. He kept trying to justify it by saying I was sick and I needed help. He didn't understand that what I had was not a disease. Me being a mutant was his secret shame. If I was going to continue to Worthington legacy, I had to sacrifice what had become an important part of who I am._

_He and the Southerners ganged up on me. They pushed and they pushed, urging me ot take this cure and become a normal human being again. I didn't want that. I didn't think Candy wanted that either. She always told me how much she loved my wings. I turned to her, hoping that she could convince her family that this was wrong and that we could still be together. I was disappointed and hurt by her efforts._

_She didn't even try. If anything she actually agreed with my father. Being a mutant would threaten not just my legacy, but hers as well. I told her I didn't care about that. I was willing to leave that legacy behind for her. If it meant losing my inheritance and all the wealth the Worthington name carried with it, so be it. That's the price I was willing to pay for her. I thought she loved me enough to pay that price as well. I was dead wrong._

_Candy had worked so hard to carry on her family name. She wasn't willing to let all that work go to waste, even for me. She kept telling me how much she loved me. She kept telling me how much she wanted to be with me. She didn't say she was okay with me losing my powers. That probably should have been a red flag. But I was so pissed at the time I hardly had any time to scrutinize it. This conflict drew itself out for months and I kept wrestling with my father, trying to get him to abandon this idea that I needed to be cured. That never happened._

_On what had to be the coldest night in the history of New York, I yelled at my dad for at least two full hours in the dead of night. Candy was there with me. She just sat there, not saying a damn word the whole time. It all ended with me saying that I was out. He could have the Worthington legacy. I'll keep my wings. I told him I was leaving all Worthington affairs indefinitely. Since I was a legal adult, I could enroll in the Xavier Institute full time. That was where I belonged. That's where I wanted to be._

_I don't know how much this affected my father, but he must have been reeling because he froze as still as a statue. I told him not to cut me off completely. Otherwise I would expose my identity to the world and everybody would know his dirty little secret. That left a door open that a small part of me hoped would be there for me one day. It wasn't so much for the Worthington legacy as much as it was for Candy. Before I left she ran up to me and told me she still loved me. I loved her too, but I said we can't be together until this changes. She didn't say much else. She just nodded. I took that to mean she was going to wait for me…that one day I could be her lover as both a mutant and a Worthington. After all this time, I realize just how stupid I was to think that._

While hovering silently, Warren reached into his pocket and pulled out an old picture that rarely left his side. It was a picture taken a few years ago just before this mess with their families began. They were sitting on the roof of the tallest building in Dubai. He had flown her up there so they could be alone. She clung to him so lovingly, as if he was her lifeline. The way she smiled still made Warren's heart ache.

"I should've known," he said aloud, as if he was talking to the picture, "How could I have been so stupid?"

His hands trembled. Warren used to hold this picture with such care. Now it felt like a festering wound, one that had always been there without him realizing it until the truth finally came out. Once again, secrets and lies tormented him. The pathetic thing was he went years without knowing just how bad it was.

_Life after Candy was a difficult adjustment. Being an X-man full time was an easy transition. The others had refined themselves into a full fledged superhero team. I had to play catch-up for the first few months while dealing with the heartache. It was nice that my friends were so supportive. Charles Xavier was a great mentor. Sometimes he was my unofficial therapist, helping me to cope with this feeling of betrayal I had from Candy and my father._

_During this time I kept wearing a mask to conceal my identity. Whenever the press reported on the X-men's exploits, I was labeled simply as the Angel. No one made the connection to me and the Worthingtons. Even after the X-men shed their masks and became more publicly active, I still wore a mask to conceal my identity. Hell, I still do to this day. There were times I was tempted to tell the world I was a Worthington. It may have been worth it just to see the look on my dad's face. But Professor Xavier and my friends kept me from taking that step. It was a good thing too because it gave my dad time to think about what he had done._

_My father kept running his company, but he also followed my exploits with the X-men. Over time he slowly but surely owned up to his pigheadedness. Being a hero more than anything showed him that I wasn't sick. I had a gift. It took him a while to start reaching out to me. He didn't cut me off from the family money and he was even nice enough to start supplying the Xavier Institute with new tools. But I wasn't convinced he was ready to turn over a new leaf. I thought Candy would beat him to the punch._

_I kept in touch with her as well, but only through email. I had no idea what she was up to other than learning the ropes of her family company. She never mentioned meeting someone or falling for another guy. That gave me hope that I carried with me over the years…hope that we were still destined to be together. While the rest of the X-men went through their share of relationship dramas, I avoided it entirely. The thought of seeking another woman for so much as a one-night-stand didn't even cross my mind._

_Then this latest stunt by Magneto changed all that. His plan to wipe humanity off the face of the Earth with an asteroid, as crazy as it was, revealed the painful truth. This time it wasn't my dad who was the asshole. It was the woman I loved who hurt me the most._

Warren tensed with anger and heartbreak. He closed his eyes and crumbled up the picture in his hand. Just looking at an image of Candy brought back all those feelings of betrayal that overwhelmed him during this fateful mission. The others had coaxed him into reaching out to his father in order to secure a transport to Genosha. He certainly wasn't enthused about graveling to his father. If that's all he ended up doing he wouldn't have had a problem. When Candy made an unexpected appearance, it turned into one of the most painful revelations of his life.

_She lied to me. It was all a total farce! She never accepted me for what I was! She never loved Warren the person! She just loved Warren, the concept! Why else would she pick up where my father left off with his anti-mutant research?_

_She was even worse than my father. At least my father had the good sense to stop that research when I stepped out. I'm sure he didn't stand in Candy's way when she ordered her company to pick up the slack, but I expect that shit from my father! Not from her! I had to look her in the eye and find out first hand that she didn't love me as much as I thought she did. She was willing to finish my father's so-called cure! She actually hoped I would one day come to her and ask that I destroy this part of myself! That way we could be together the easy way! Even if it wasn't the right way! I don't know what the hell that is, but it sure isn't love!_

_So here I am, a 23-year-old man who basically spent the last few years in a fantasy world. I thought I found the one. I thought I found the woman I was going to spend the rest of my life with. Instead, I found a liar…a woman only willing to love me when I fit into her comfortable little world of wealth and privilege. Not only that, the X-men had to fight to prevent that mutant-killing gas her company made from destroying all of Genosha! There's no coming back from shit like that. Love will make you forgive a lot of things, but when certain lines are crossed there's no working around it. You have to cut your losses, suck it up, and move forward._

A hard lump formed in his throat. The winged mutant refused to break down up here in the sky, his sanctuary from the conflict. He had already shed enough tears for this woman. From here on out, there could be no more sobs. Candy Southerner could no longer be part of his future or his present for that matter. It was time to leave her and the love they once shared in the past.

Warren swallowed the hard lump and looked back towards the picture he had crumpled up. He let it flatten out for a few moments, watching the wrinkles and tears cover what was once a happy memory. His lips quivered with a mix of angst and anger. The time had come to sever his ties to this part of his life for good.

"Goodbye Candy," he said to the picture, "Thank you for all the good times. Damn you for tainting them with your lies. I wish it didn't have to be like this. Part of me is still going to love you and what we once had. But you're not going to change. Just like my old man, you'll only accept whatever fits into your cozy little world. If I can't be in that world, so be it. You won't be in mine either. Whatever this new status quo brings with humans and mutants, the phony love we once shared won't be part of it."

Having said his peace, Warren crumpled up the picture again. This time there was no subtlety. He let the image rip, tear, and warp beyond recognition. Then he held his hand out in front of them and in once symbolic gesture, dropped the tattered picture into the lake blow. Within seconds, the wind swept it away. When it hit the water it began to dissolve, taking with it a vestige of Warren's past and opening the door to an uncertain future.

* * *

><p><strong>Up next: Bobby Drake<strong>


	5. Bobby Drake

**Supreme Reflections  
>Bobby Drake<strong>

* * *

><p><strong>Bobby's Reflections (AN: Takes place after issue 43)<strong>

"I still can't believe it…dumped by Magneto's daughter," mused a distant Bobby Drake.

"You know, Bobby, you don't have to keep saying these things out loud. You've made it abundantly clear how bad you feel. We don't need any reminders," said Kitty Pryde dryly.

"Thanks for your words of compassion, Kitty," he retorted, "Although I wouldn't apply for a job at a suicide hotline anytime soon."

"If you're trying to win more sympathy, forget it. You've already had more than your share. Not to make light of your heartache, but you need to at least _try_ your hand at coping. You're a lot less annoying to be around when you're making fart jokes."

Kitty didn't stick around for more of Bobby's moping. She already did her part. She invited Bobby to watch TV with her while they ate lunch. Somebody had to do something to cheer him up since he was still reeling from his recent breakup with Lorna. While he wasn't nearly as messed up as he was when it first happened, Bobby still wasn't the same Bobby. Since this obviously wasn't working, Kitty turned off the TV and begrudgingly left the living room.

Now alone with his thoughts, Bobby laid back on the couch staring at the ceiling. Kitty always had a way of sending a blunt if not callous message. It wasn't always done with a lot of care, but it got the point across. For a guy like him who never took himself too seriously, it went a long way towards adding a little perspective. That was a concept he was still learning…perspective. His recent break-up with Lorna was a lesson of sorts he wouldn't soon forget.

_Kitty Pryde…what a character. She'll reach out to a friend one moment only to make a fool of them the moment things get icy. Guess I can't blame her completely. I haven't exactly come off as warm or friendly lately. Breaking up with your girlfriend will do that to a guy. Breaking up with your girlfriend because she chooses to stay by her megalomaniacal mutant father will make any guy downright cold._

_That's enough of the hot/cold puns. I have to be serious for once in my life. If only being serious was one of my strong points._

_I've been on the receiving end of way too much seriousness in my life. I'm still a teenager for crying out loud! I'm too young to get uptight about every little thing. Hell, being uptight just isn't in my nature. It never has been. If I had gone along with everybody else's notion of what counts for prim and proper, I probably would have become a super-villain myself. That's something Lorna never understood about me. That's something even my own friends don't understand about me. Being overly serious just isn't in my nature. Hell, that's probably why I'm so messed up at the moment. _

Bobby groaned into the now quiet ambience of the living room. A big screen TV, two video game systems, a satellite dish with all the premium channels, a deluxe TIVO, and a library of movies and TV shows that would make any couch potato weep and yet here he was just lying on the couch doing nothing. It wasn't just out-of-character for Bobby Drake. It was downright scary.

Closing his eyes, Bobby grabbed a pillow and stuffed it over his face. This was pathetic. He and the X-men recently saved the world from mass extinction. He should be ecstatic. Being a hero was part of why he loved being an X-man. Yet even that feeling of accomplishment was stifled by heartbreak.

_I shouldn't be droning like this. I've never let myself get this down before. I've always found a way to pick myself up and make a joke out of my problems. So what happened? Why is it so much harder this time?_

_It's not like I haven't been through hardship. I was practically born into it in South Boston. I'm talking about a rough neighborhood with touch, ridged, blue-collar people whose sense of humor was as limited as their income bracket. My parents sure fit the mold. My dad busted his ass on the docks for 60 hours a week while my mom had been bussing tables at restaurants since she was 17. It was not a fun environment. Our house had more leaks in it than an incontinent dog and the only entertainment my folks would splurge on was a small TV with basic cable. It's the last place you would expect a career class clown to emerge._

_I guess it's just how I learned to cope. When you've got so little growing up, you have to find a way to compensate. A sense of humor ended up working for me. I remember how when I was young, my parents would always come home tired and exhausted. They looked so miserable and being the only one not toiling away for paychecks, I took it upon myself to make them smile. I would walk into the living room with a cooking pot on my head, swim trunks on my arms, and a towel as a cape and claim I flew in from the planet Chocolaton-Five and was looking to gather all the chocolate ice cream in the galaxy. They got a real kick out of it. I wasn't always the funniest kid, but I did get them to smile. From there, the whole jokester persona stuck._

_It didn't always go over well. I remember this time I went a little overboard with my act once. I grabbed my dad's tools, put on my mom's apron, and pretended to be a firefighter. It was cute at first until I tripped, bumped into the kitchen table, and knocked some of our less-than-fancy dishes onto the floor so they broke into a million pieces. To say I got yelled at would not do justice to the permanent hearing damage I probably inferred. I know now I went a little too far with that joke. It may even count as a sign of things to come with Lorna._

Bobby cringed at the many indicators that should have been obvious with Lorna. He pulled the pillow off his face and let it fall to his side. With his arms and legs now lazily draping off the couch, he let out an embittered sigh. The sorrow was becoming too much and frustration was setting in. This wasn't right. It couldn't be.

"Pull yourself together, Drake! The hell is wrong with you?" Bobby groaned to himself.

He wasn't supposed to be like this. He refused to let it get him down. His missteps with Lorna couldn't be the same as the mishaps of his past. The real Bobby Drake knew how to rise above those and move forward.

_Mishaps aside, I couldn't stand the humorless world my parents lived in. They tried to teach me things about work ethic and grit, but they were even more blunt than Kitty Pryde. I remember some of my dad's earliest words of wisdom._

"_You work hard, you stay focused, and if you get lucky you succeed. Since people like us aren't all that lucky, you're better off sticking to the first two. That's the only way you'll survive in this world."_

_So much for the you-can-do-anything-if-you-set-your-mind-to-it speech. My parents were content with cold hard truth. I wasn't. I needed humor in my world and I obviously wasn't going to get that at home._

_This could probably count as the second step towards me screwing things up with Lorna. By the time I was ten most of my livelihood resided outside my house. I would go out every chance I got, roaming my little neighborhood in South Boston looking for adventure. I found out that I wasn't the only one suffocating at home. I met up with a lot of other kids my age that needed a break from the harsh realities of lower-middle class life. I probably met every kid in my district at one point and I always made an impression, but it wasn't always a good one._

_I would lead these packs of misfits on these ill-fated ventures for cheap thrills. Granted, I was no Cyclops when it came to leadership, but I pulled off some pretty remarkable stunts. One time we all painted our faces blue and barged into stores saying that we were smurfs who had lost their way. Another time we loaded food coloring into squirt guns and used them to leave our mark on anybody that crossed our path, including cute girls. That didn't get as many laughs as I hoped and I probably set myself back in terms of female interest more than a few years._

_School offered its share of thrills as well. Despite my parents' lessons in work ethic, I was never more than an average student. B's and C's were the highest grades I brought home. The only subject I ever got A's in was, ironically enough, math. Now some of that may be because my mom taught me from a young age how to use numbers to figure out when someone was screwing you over with a tip. In every other respect math was probably the opposite of what a guy like me would enjoy. Despite this, I found ways to extract a little fun out of it._

_During a break period one day, I set up this little poster as if I was a carnival act. It said in bold letters that for five bucks, I would guess someone's weight. If I was wrong, I would double their money back. It quickly drew a crowd. Even a teacher decided to play along. As my luck would have it, the first kid was one of the bigger kids in my grade level. And by big I mean this kid hit puberty by the time he was eleven. He gave me five bucks. I guessed his weight. Of course I was off so he asked for his money. I said no such luck. The kid got snippy with me and this whole time I was trying not to laugh. When he finally demanded an answer, I told him to look closer at the poster. There was some fine print at the bottom_

_It read something like: guesses are rounded off to one quarter of one third the person's actual weight divided by the height and arm-to-leg ratio divided by the distance between their eyes and multiplied by one-and-a-half times the body/mass index and divided again by the degree of tilt from the head to the eyes. Now it all sounds confusing, but there's actually a nice little math trick at the end. There is no tilt from the head to the eyes. The eyes are part of the head. That means the tilt is zero and whenever you divide by zero you get an irrational value. So if my guesses were rounded off by an irrational value, they can't be right or wrong. _

_It confused the hell out of the kid and got a good laugh even from the teacher. The kid sure didn't appreciate it though. I made him look like a fool and his response was perfectly rational. That is to say he got pissed and chased me up and down the school. It was icing on the cake until we bumped into the principal, who I found out born with a tragic condition that robbed him of any sense of humor. Yeah, I got in trouble. But the excitement helped break the trend of monotony and hardship that surrounded my life. To me, the detention was worth it._

Frustration was now turning into determination. Despite being miserable and heartbroken, Bobby pulled himself up and sat with poise for the first time since Lorna broke up with him. He stared off into space, rubbing his sore head as he continued to rack his brain with confusion and guilt. Pulling himself together wasn't nearly as easy as it should have been. He wasn't a little kid anymore. He was part of a superhero team that just saved the world. The everyday issues of life had an entirely different perspective than they when he was just a normal boring guy.

_My mediocre grades aside, I was smart enough to realize that this was going to be a trend. Stunts like this set the stage for my teenage years. Most kids dread their first day of high school. For me, it was like being drafted by the Boston Red Sox. I jumped right in. All these new kids full of rebellious teenage spirit were just the kind of people I needed to be around. They didn't like the bland, boring environment we were stuck in either so we all banned together to make life a little more exciting._

_Pretty soon I had my own army of friends with the same appetite for adventure as me. We hung out, joked around, and played pranks to pass the time. My folks didn't always appreciate it, but so long as I kept bringing home decent grades they were okay with it. They probably figured my math scores would be enough to get me by, but the only numbers I was concerned about was how many ways we could get some thrills out of this boring environment._

_When I turned fifteen, I discovered something besides jokes that really helped. It was called free running and it was sort of my pre-cursor to the Danger Room. What we did was basically run around the city, treating it as if it were an obstacle course. We leapt up buildings, scaled fences, and basically made the mundane into a playground. I became one of the best in the neighborhood. Until then I hadn't been all that athletic. This gave me more reasons to stay in shape and I loved it. It was more thrills and more excitement. The more I felt it, the more I craved it. If there was a medical term for a full fledged adrenaline junkie, I would be the perfect case study. But like any addict, it was only a matter of time before I overdosed._

_It all went down on what had to be the coldest day in South Boston history. A snowstorm had just rolled through and there had to be like four and a half feet of snow on the ground. For a bunch of thrill-seeking teenagers, that's like giving a pyromaniac a flame thrower. As soon as school ended that day, we went out back where the snow plows had created these huge mounds of snow up against the back wall of the building. Seeing plenty of potential, we decided to turn it into a full fledged snowboarding ramp. This required us to 'borrow' some materials from the gym and shop class. Within about an hour and a half we had something that was flimsy as hell, but workable. Me being the crazy kid that I was, I decided to test it out._

_To go the extra distance we climbed up onto the roof of the school. Since the snow mounds were so big that wasn't too hard. Even so, it was a long ways down and I did get a few butterflies in my stomach when I first got into position. But with my friends egging me on and a few cute girls dropping by to watch, there was no going back. I wasn't just going to test this thing out. I was going to go all out. So with a running start, I darted towards the ramp and slid down head first. I know in every logical sense that's not very smart, but like all adrenaline junkies logic is not usually on your mind when you do these things._

_At first it was awesome. I ended up going a lot faster than I thought. The ice was pretty slick and I don't think anybody had physics in mind when we built this thing. When I finally hit the ramp, I was going so fast that I overshot the landing area. We had this nice pile of fresh snow that was supposed to cushion the impact. When I saw it pass under me all that rush turned to terror. I started flapping in the air like a bird that just had his wings cut off. I landed a good twenty feet from where I was aiming and I didn't land on anything soft either. There was this drainage ditch that always filled up with water whenever there was a snowstorm. It had frozen over so I was not looking forward to the impact. When I hit it, the top layer of ice shattered and I plunged right into three feet of ice cold water._

_At this point all the cheers turned to gasps. My friends were freaking out. Some of them ran away, thinking they had just become an accessory to murder or something. The ones with more guts ran over help me. But to their surprise (and mine for that matter) I didn't need help. Between the adrenaline and the shock to the system of diving head first into ice cold water, my mutant powers kicked in. I'm not quite sure what sort of crazy physiological transformations took place, but when I emerged from the water I was covered in a shell of ice. What really freaked me out was that I didn't feel cold in the slightest. I actually felt comfortable…for a moment anyways._

Bobby slouched lazily on the couch as his frustration continued to plague him. He found himself forming some snowballs in his hands. The cool shivers that overtook his skin whenever he used his powers often had a soothing effect. Bobby needed anything he could get at this point and the cold was always a source of comfort. With the snowball in hand, he formed a number of small ice structures. He made a couple snowflakes, some faces, and an ice flower. He pulled this skilled manipulation of ice off with such ease. It was hard to believe that these powers were once so chaotic.

_What happened next was probably the scariest experience of my life. Not even battles with Magneto, the sentinels, and Juggernaut could compare. I thought I was turning into a monster. Everywhere around me ice and snow were forming as if it was somehow alive. By the time I pulled myself out of that ditch, I looked like the freakin' abominable snowman. It was also at that point my friends totally ditched me. I wouldn't hear from most of these guys ever again._

_The world around me was turning into this surrealistic nightmare. I didn't know what the hell was happening to me. I thought I might be having a near death experience or something, but it felt so damn real. My first instinct was to try and wake up. When that didn't work, my next instinct was to run. That probably wasn't the smartest thing to do because I was generating so much cold this eerie cloud formed around me. Everything within twenty feet of me was shrouded in this blizzard that had to be no warmer than 20 below. With every step I took I left the freakin' arctic in my wake. I eventually stumbled into some abandoned apartment complex where I basically crawled into a corner and freaked out._

_I ended up staying there for like a full day. I didn't realize how long it had been because time just seemed to forget about me. My body was going through all these changes that make traditional puberty look tame. I later found out I drew pretty much every news medium in the greater Boston area. While holding up in that building, the cold I was radiating encased it in this thick shell of ice that looked like a work of modern art. It was so thick and cold the police and fire department couldn't get inside. They were probably ready to call in the National Guard this was so messed up. That's when Charles Xavier entered the picture._

_I ended up having the honor of being one of the first major signatures Cerebro ever detected. As soon as I was discovered, the Professor flew to Boston with Cyclops, Marvel Girl, Beast, and Thunderbird. Xavier and Jean managed to read me telepathically and calm me down while Cyclops, Beast, and Thunderbird blasted through the ice and got me out. The Professor was even nice enough to wipe the minds of all the witnesses that saw me and make them believe that this ice mess was the result of some burst fire hydrants. As for my friends, they thought I was just rushed to the hospital and that was the end of it. But it ended up being just the beginning for me._

_After the X-men rescued me and revealed that I was a mutant, Professor Xavier offered me a place at his institute. I had no idea what it entailed, but I thought what they did was so cool I didn't need much convincing to come and join. Plus, I kind of wanted to find a way to control these crazy powers. My parents were a little less enthusiastic. I don't think they liked the idea of having a mutant for a son. It meant more stress for them than they already had to deal with. They weren't necessarily disgusted. They looked outright scared, like they didn't know how to react._

_Eventually, they caved. When Professor Xavier said he would accept Bobby on a scholarship and they wouldn't have to worry about me going off at school, this seemed to seal the deal. I didn't know what I was getting into, but I was really excited. When I heard that the Xavier Institute was the front for the X-men, who were just a bunch of masked vigilantes at the time, I was stoked. This was the kind of thrill-seeking that was right up my alley. Not only would I learn to control my powers, but I would get all the adrenaline rushes I could ever want by being a hero._

_Granted, I was a little immature. My childish pranks and off-color jokes kind of rubbed the others the wrong way. Jean seemed to have a good sense of humor about it, but Scott, the Professor, and Mr. McCoy didn't really appreciate it. I think that sort of delayed the decision to let me join the team in the field. It took over a year for me to earn my role in the X-men. I probably could have earned them sooner if I had only realized what I was lacking. For once my parents' work ethic did kick in and I trained harder to get my chance. It seems so blatantly obvious now, but I really did struggle to wrap my brain around the Professor's reasons. It wouldn't be the last time I was painfully slow on the uptake._

Bobby clenched his fist, crushing the ice rose he created in his hand. His frustration boiled over as he came full circle. Everything that was making him so miserable was stemming from the same source. He refused to acknowledge, whether subconsciously or consciously, the most obvious flaws in himself. It wasn't just a product of immaturity. It was a major flaw he saw in himself. Lorna saw it too and she made him confront it.

"Damn…you were right, Lorna," said Bobby in a low tone.

Sighing to himself, he closed his eyes and slouched down on the couch. It didn't seem right that a full fledged superhero would be struggling with something so painfully normal. This was the kind of stuff regular teenagers who couldn't freeze things with their fingertips dealt with. It further proved just how wrong Magneto had been during his whole superiority rant. Mutants and humans really weren't all that different at the most of levels.

_Talk about being the butt of my own joke. Why does the truth have to be so painful? I go way too far out of my way to avoid it. Even if it's for a good reason, it still boarders on self-delusion._

_The sad part is I kind of needed that delusion. When I joined the X-men, I got more thrills than I ever could have imagined. I got to fly around, fight crime, save lives, and protect people who didn't have the luxury of superpowers. Being a free runner sure helped get me started and the rush I got was enough to quench my seemingly endless thirst for adventure. But with that craving satisfied, I was able to dedicate my efforts into satisfying another that plenty teenage boys deal with…women._

_It's not like dating was taboo in the X-men. I watched my own teammates hook up, go out, and make love in ways both classic and dirty. I still joked around about girls and stuff, but the truth was I was serious about finding that special someone of my own. Being in the X-men, nothing comes easy. Relationships are no exception. First, there's finding the time to put into a relationship. The Xavier Institute is notorious for outrageous schedules. Second, there's the whole mutant barrier. Some people are just really turned off by mutants. There's no way around it sometimes. Third and most importantly, there's that annoying thing called chemistry and when your own biology acts as a constant reminder that makes any meaningful reaction fizzle out at best._

_What helped most for me was when the X-men de-masked. When we stopped covering our faces, that made it easier to get to know someone because we didn't have to hide our powers as much anymore. I tried going out a few times, but once the initial thrill of me being a superhero wore off the ladies lost interest fast. It turns out what celebrities say is true. It's hard when you can't find someone who loves you just for you. My solution was to turn to the internet and that's how I met Lorna._

_It was nothing fancy. She was part of this online chat group for mutants looking for support. Her powers just started manifesting so I reached out to her. When I saw her picture, I was even more intrigued. The fact she lived in New York helped a great deal as well. I think I was the first person she met who really understood her plight. I made her laugh a few times and she asked to meet me. Disregarding what everybody says about meeting people on the internet, I went with it and wouldn't you know it? We fell for each other._

_What we had was special. On one of our early dates, we got attacked by Quicksilver and the Scarlet Witch. For most relationships that would qualify as a major roadblock. For us, it only made our relationship stronger. I was like her white knight in ice-covered armor. I helped her make sense of the confusing world all mutants faced. In return she gave me her love, her support, and some very memorable nights in bed. Even if she looked awesome naked, I probably should have seen the red flags._

_First, there were her powers. Being able to control magnetism and not knowing who her real father was? I can't remember how many times the others pointed that out to me, but I always brushed it off. That was definitely not smart because avoiding it only made things more difficult when the truth came out._

_And boy did it come out. During the whole uprising on Genosha when Lorna learned Magneto was her father, she got a pretty rough taste of the messy world of human/mutant affairs. I could have prepared her for it. I could have made it easier for when we confronted each other. It sure was awkward, getting around this notion of me being an X-man and her being Magneto's daughter. Her mother being sick sure didn't help either. But it didn't tear us apart. For a while I thought it brought us closer. Now I realize it sewed the seeds of our own destruction._

The young mutant opened his eyes and looked down at his hands. Clenching his fists again, he formed another ball of ice. This time he skillfully shaped it so that it formed the face of Lorna. It would have been easier to just get one of the pictures he still had of her, but X-men weren't known for taking shortcuts. He needed to look at her face in some form. That way it was easier to make sense of all the emotions he was still struggling with.

"Maybe I was right too. And in a ways, we were both wrong as well," he said distantly.

He thought about his words for a moment. When he said them they sounded pretty stupid. He ended up re-absorbing the ice that made up Lorna's face and shaking his head.

"Great…now I'm confusing myself all over again."

_I should have seen it. She should have seen it too. Like when she had that strange moment during Magneto's trial…we might as well have put up bill boards outside our rooms. We were seriously not seeing eye-to-eye on some very important things. I foolishly thought it was the stress of her mother's cancer getting to her. A five-year-old could have made sense of it. Again, I kept avoiding it._

_Then it happened again, another mission that ended with the X-men saving the world and this time there was no way around it. Lorna's mother died and that essentially put her past the point of no return. From that moment on, we were never going to be on the same page. She went on a path that I couldn't follow. She decided to stay with her father and be the conscious he seemed to utterly lack. In a ways that's a noble decision. In others it's downright stupid. I don't care if she is his daughter. Magneto is still Magneto. I'll never see past that. She has somehow and I don't know what to make of it. To make matters worse, she didn't even give me a chance!_

_I loved Lorna. I honest to god fell for this girl. She fell for me too…just not enough to see the world from my perspective. Perhaps I didn't love her enough to see the world from hers either. In that sense maybe we both really are to blame. I'm not the asshole and neither is she. Is this what I'm not getting? Is this another case of me being too slow to realize the obvious?_

Bobby's demeanor lifted somewhat. Perhaps he was beating himself up needlessly. He should have made sense of this mess by now. All this moping wasn't getting him anywhere. Between Kitty's overly blunt words and the more tactful support from the others, the signs were there. He was making the same mistakes again. He was failing to confront the obvious.

"Heh…that's it, isn't it? I really am that bone-headed," said Bobby.

He actually found himself laughing. It seemed fitting for a lifelong lover of the lighter side. This time he was laughing at himself. He was the butt of the joke. Bobby Drake for all his poor maturity was fessing up. The frustration and anger was still there. I just had a different perspective.

_So I guess that's the big secret. I'm the butt of my own joke. I lived in a fantasy land with Lorna, ignoring the signs that we may not be right for each other because I enjoyed the fantasy too much. I was basically closing my eyes and putting my fingers in my eyes while everyone else was laughing at the joke already. How's that for irony?_

_Call it immaturity. Call me a class clown. Hell, call me anything. I'm not the kind of guy who takes himself too seriously. I can't be that guy. Lorna wanted me to be that way. Cyclops and most of the X-men want me to be that way to some extent. That's just not going to happen. Just as Lorna will never give up on her father, I'll never be that guy who can't see the lighter side. It's as big a part of who I am as my ice powers. Hell, it's part of what makes me the coolest member of the team in more ways than one._

_I am what I am. We are who we are. That's what Professor Xavier has taught us and it doesn't just apply to mutants. I've lost Lorna and there's nothing I can do about it. She's made her decision. Now I have to make mine. Am I going to keep avoiding the obvious? Or am I going to try to move on? I may take longer than most people to come around, but I always get there once I take that first step. That's how we move forward. We just have to be ourselves. _

_I'm Bobby Drake, the Iceman and jokester extraordinaire. It's time I start acting like it on the road to heartbreak recovery. And I know just how to begin._

He laughed for another minute or so before taking a deep breath rising up from the couch. The time for moping was over. Bobby Drake never shied away from a challenge and he wasn't going to start now. He had a broken heart and a world reeling from Magneto's extinction plot, but that wasn't going to get him down. He wouldn't let it.

In the spirit of getting back to who he was, the young mutant grabbed the remote control from the table and turned on the TV. He then flipped to the one love in his life that would never break his heart.

"Cartoons…is there anything they can't do?" said Bobby as he sat back down on the couch, "I'm ready, world! Let the healing begin."

* * *

><p><strong>The End<strong>

**AN: That's it for this round of Supreme Reflections! I hope you all enjoyed it. Once again, I encourage everybody to take some time to leave a review for this and the rest of my X-men Supreme series. I had a lot of fun writing this round of Supreme Reflections. I already have X-men Supreme Volume 3 planned out. Please stay tuned to my profile and on the official X-men Supreme website and blog for more updates. Until next time, take care and best wishes! Excelsior!**

**MarvelMaster616**


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